


Dedication

by penguin_is_my_otp



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Butt Plugs, Dean Winchester Has a Daddy Kink, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Masturbating Dean Winchester, also i suck at writing porn, but it's barely mentioned, dean is underage for the first half but its like 15 and cas is barely 20, i started this almost 2 years ago, im sorry for writing this, it's barely mentioned bc i don't like daddy kinks, not really - Freeform, this story is a mess but i'm kind of proud of it, this was LOOSELY based on a tumblr post, yes it took me this long and no one will ever read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguin_is_my_otp/pseuds/penguin_is_my_otp
Summary: Castiel (20) is surprised one night to find that the house across the street has a new family moving into it: the Winchesters. When he starts to form a close friendship with the oldest brother, Dean, Cas begins to notice that the boy (15) has more than a small, innocent crush on him. After telling Dean he'll have to wait until he's 21 to have a chance with him, he thinks that will be the end of their "love" story.But when Dean shows up 6 years later, older and somehow a lot sexier, Castiel realizes that sometimes...good things come to those who wait.ORAU where Dean waits 6 years to have sex with Castiel. And it works.
Relationships: Balthazar & Castiel (Supernatural), Balthazar/Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 115





	Dedication

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually based off of a tumblr prompt, but I took a lot of creative liberties with the story. Here is the original prompt:
> 
> "Imagine Castiel's 14-year-old neighbor Dean constantly coming over to his house and asking Cas to make him pie because 'you make the best pie ever, Mr. Novak' and Cas always does because Dean's so cute with his freckles and cracking voice. 
> 
> Then the Winchesters move and Dean confesses his giant crush on Cas before he goes and Cas thinks it's adorable because Dean's so young and Dean asks for a kiss but Cas only gives him one on the forehead.
> 
> But then years later Cas gets a knock on his door and 20-year-old Dean pushes him against the wall and says 'I'm ready for my grown up kiss now, Mr. Novak' and then he fucks Cas until they're both shaking and screaming."
> 
> Pretty much none of that happens except for Dean is younger than Cas and comes back when he's older--but I made him 15 because 14 was too young (lmao)--, and Cas makes a pie one time. The beginning is a bit rushed because I actually was planning on making this a really short one shot, but this got out of hand, so it becomes a lot more detailed as the story goes along. 
> 
> Also, slight TRIGGER WARNING: there is a mention of past sexual abuse but it's very brief and it's really not that key to the story. It doesn't have to do with Castiel or Dean, but I guess if you're not comfortable with that then don't read this. Other than that, I hope you like this somewhat!

The low growl of an engine outside of the window drew Castiel’s attention up from his boiling pot of noodles.  
  
“What the hell is making all that noise at 7 in the evening?” he wondered aloud. The freedom of living alone also came with the freedom to talk to yourself and no one questioning you. After living with your parents for 20 years, you learned to appreciate the little things. Like the spaghetti he was currently preparing to eat: he would have never learned how to make that himself if he hadn’t saved enough money to finally buy his own home. Being an adult was hard, but it had its benefits.  
  
Cas made his way over to the window. He pulled down one of the shades to peer through, eyes momentarily blinded by a bright light coming from a giant truck in front of the house across the street. Cas realized with shock that it was a moving truck.  
  
“Somebody actually bought that crappy place? No one's lived there for almost a year and a half now, there’s no way it’s even in good condition.”  
  
But sure enough, there was a family coming out of the house to greet the movers from the moving truck. Castiel watched as first came a mother, blonde and beautiful as hell, then a father, dark-black hair and a scruffy beard, a young boy, no older than 11, skinny with shaggy brown bangs, and finally another boy. He stood out from the rest of his seemingly-average family with his leather jacket, gelled up hair, and sly smirk that—even from across the road—Cas could see was his usual expression.  
  
“Oh no, looks like we got a little badass in our neighborhood now,” Castiel laughed to himself. The family started helping take small boxes into the house with the moving men and then came back for more. Smirk Boy grabbed a particularly large box from the truck, and on it Cas could see the name “Dean” written boldly across the side in black ink. He wondered if that was the boy’s name, or if maybe he was just helping to carry someone else’s personal belongings.  
  
Castiel continued to stare at the boy coming and going for the next couple of minutes, hoping to see where he would carry the boxes and if “Dean” was really his name. He was honestly rather cute, with his loosely gel-styled hair and sharp facial features. He was lanky, standing what looked to be a little over 5’8, but still built enough to not look like a walking stick. Castiel knew what that felt like, since he’d been underweight for most of his childhood years up until late high school. Smirk Boy, on the other hand, didn’t have that problem or, it seemed, the anxiety Cas used to have that came with his physical insecurities. His new neighbor walked with his head up, portraying smug confidence.  
  
Smirk Boy looked exactly like Cas’ type when was he was younger. If the boy had gone to Cas’ high school with him a few years ago, he most definitely would have had a crush on him—the kind where you ogle the person from afar but never actually talk to them because you don’t think you’re good enough. Confidence and social anxiety aren’t the best two personality traits to mix, but that never stopped Castiel in high school from crushing all of the popular dudes, mostly _because_ of how confident they were.  
  
Castiel figured that Maybe-Dean was unlike him in that way too. As in...he liked girls. That was another thing Cas’ crushes all had in common when he was in school: they were all straight. It only made sense that a boy with such similar confidence in his mannerisms would be straight as well.  
  
Just as soon as the thought had entered his head, Cas watched from his window as Smirk Boy came from the moving truck carrying a side table and walked past a moving guy leaving the house. He nodded curtly at him in greeting, then openly checked out the man’s ass the moment they’d passed each other. The boy’s smirk, even from a distance, grew deeper, and then he turned his head back around and headed inside to put the table down.  
  
Castiel chuckled to himself. _Guess I was wrong_ , he thought.  
  
Cas remembered his own younger days, when he had first begun discovering his own sexuality. He’d been about 16 years old when it suddenly hit him one day that he’d never in his life felt any kind of flutter or skip in his heart when he’d touched a girl, but every time his best friend at the time, Zeke, smiled at his jokes, his entire body would heat up and his heart would practically stop.

Ever since that day, he’d understood who he really was. He became a lot more comfortable in his own skin. Prior to that realization, he’d always felt _different_ compared to his classmates who constantly talked about fucking girls and wishing they had a girlfriend. And although he became openly different from most guys in his class after coming out, he was actually happy for once because he was being himself.

And that should have been a great thing for his family too, but of course, coming out to them was anything but easy. And it never stopped biting him in the ass when it came to them.  
  
Castiel wondered to himself if Maybe-Dean was out to his family as well—and if they’d taken it kindly if he was—, when suddenly a blaring alarm screeched to life in his kitchen. Castiel almost fell backwards as he closed the blinds with a jump.  
  
“Fuck!” He’d forgotten his spaghetti and now it was smoking all over the place. He rushed into the kitchen to find all the boiled water evaporated and only some smoking noodles leftover. Castiel quickly turned the stovetop off, and then started fanning his smoke detector with the nearest paper around him in hopes that it would just shut the hell up.  
  
“So much for being an adult,” Cas grumbled.  
  
-  
  
The next day, Cas was working on a paper for one of his college classes when a wild idea occurred to him.  
  
Castiel was doing college classes online, and it had been working out really well. He didn’t pay as much tuition for online schooling, and he could set his hours of school to fit around his hours at work, so he could have money for bills, housing, and like, food obviously. It hadn’t been easy at first to adjust, but this was his first full year living alone and he still hadn’t yet come across some issue that made him have to move back in with his parents. He’d rather live on the street than do that, if he was being honest.  
  
One thing he did miss from home was his mom’s cherry pie that she was—almost literally— famous for. She posted her “secret” recipe to Facebook a few years back and it had gone viral. A minor cooking show on TV even had it as one of their featured recipes, but not many people in Cas’ friend group know about it since it was a stupid Facebook recipe. No one under the age of 30 actually cares about those.  
  
But anyway, after helping his mother cook them for years, he too had become quite skilled at it. He thought, with the new neighbors, he could make his mother’s famous cherry pie and bring it to them as a welcoming gift.  
  
Castiel was ecstatic as he gathered the ingredients he needed to make the pie, recipe already internalized so deep in his memory he didn’t need a written list. Halfway through making the inside cherry mixture, Cas went over to the jar for some sugar. He opened it and groaned. He was out.  
  
“I can’t make this shit without the sugar,” Castiel grumbled, annoyed that he would most definitely have to go to the store and grab some since he was too far into the cooking process to back out now. He snatched his keys from a special hook engraved with his name beside the front door—one of the presents from his grandma when he bought his house— and headed outside to the car.  
  
When he stepped onto the front lawn, he heard another growling sound, like the one from yesterday’s moving truck, but much softer. It was a lawn mower being pushed by none other than Smirk Boy himself. The boy had earbuds in, so he didn’t notice Castiel at first, but as he rounded one of the corners of his yard, he looked up and saw Cas about to open his car door. Castiel grinned and waved cheerfully. First impressions are always important, which is one of the reasons he wanted to make a pie for his new neighbors. You never know when you might need neighborhood allies.  
  
Smirk Boy suddenly seemed to become Blush Boy as he shyly returned Cas’ wave. His foot caught on a patch of uneven ground and he almost toppled over but—to Cas’ slight disappointment—recovered himself swiftly. Cas smiled at him and shrugged a little, trying to show he wasn’t bothered by his clumsiness in an effort to lessen the boy’s embarrassment. He was pleasantly surprised to see a genuine smile appear on the boy’s face.  
  
“What a cutie,” Cas said to himself as he buckled in and started to back out of the driveway, heading to Walmart for the cheapest sugar he could find. He watched out of his rear-view window as the small frame of Smirk Boy next door disappeared from view.  
  
-  
  
Castiel rang the doorbell and hoped they were home.  
  
He’d made the pie, finally, and was excited for them to try it. His mama—as much as she disliked him for everything else about himself—would at least be proud of him for this.  
  
He was greeted at the door by the blonde women he’d saw the other day, and damn, was she even more beautiful close up. She had some kind of softness in her smile and twinkle in her eyes that made Cas instantly feel welcome. “Hello?” she said in surprise.  
  
“Hi,” Castiel smiled brightly. “My name is Castiel, but you can call me Cas because literally everyone does. I’m your new neighbor, I live across the street.” He pointed with one hand to his own little house, shining with the last hours of the setting sun. “I thought I’d make you guys some of my mom’s cherry pie and introduce myself, so you’d have some friends on the street.”  
  
The women beamed and brought her hand up to the thin, protective plastic cover over the still-warm pie and lifted it, taking a short inhale of its sweet aroma. “It smells absolutely heavenly, Cas.”  
  
Castiel winked. “I get that a lot.”  
  
His neighbor grinned and carefully took the pie. “Thank you, Castiel. We’d love to eat your pie.” She gave him a small smirk and Cas almost got whiplash. _So that’s where her son gets it, huh._ “But not without you!” she exclaimed. “You spent time making it, you need to get to enjoy it. If you’re not busy, I’d be glad to have you stay and share it with some of my family. They’d love to meet you! Also,” she laughed, “we’re new in town and could use some friends. Never know when you might run out of eggs or something and have to ask the neighbors.”  
  
Castiel thought about it for a second. His only other plan for that night was to watch reruns of The Twilight Zone until one am, so he guessed he had room on his day planner for this.  
  
“Sure, I’d love to, Mrs...”  
  
“Winchester. Mary Winchester.”  
  
“Thank you for having me then, Mrs. Winchester.”  
  
Mary stepped aside and rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m not that old, Cas. Just call me Mary. The boy’s should be in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner.”  
  
Sure enough, Castiel was greeted with the faint smell of hotdogs as soon as he entered the house, and then found Mary’s kids scrubbing away at the dishes in the sink. He had to be careful not to trip over any boxes, as there were still tons of them lying around, some open—plates, utensils, cups, tablecloths— and some still closed, most labeled with “Kitchen” or “Dinner.” Cas was impressed with the progress they’d already made so far: a dining table, chairs, even some seat cushions for the kitchen chairs.  
  
Neither of the boys seemed aware of his entrance until Mary shouted over the spray of the sink, “There’s a guest here, boys!”  
  
The little one with bangs spun around first, flopping his wet drying towel over his shoulder and spraying water all over the wall. Castiel smiled fondly at that and immediately knew he would do anything for that little boy.  
  
Then came the Smirk Boy, who was busy rinsing out the insides of a cup. The same cup he promptly dropped once he turned and saw Cas standing there.  
  
Cas panicked for a split second, but luckily it was plastic so the boy just blushed and picked it up quickly, placing it firmly on the counter beside him. Cas smiled at him too, but the boy shifted self-consciously and avoided his eyes. Cas felt he should say something.  
  
“Hi, guys.”  
  
Mary spoke up. “Introduce yourselves, boys.”  
  
The little one grinned—Cas noticed a tooth missing on the bottom row of his teeth and almost felt his heart melt right there onto the floor—and chirped, “My name is Sammy. I turn 12 in seven months!”  
  
Smirk Boy (Castiel couldn’t wait to put a name to him instead of the dumb nickname) groaned at his brother. “Just say that you’re 11 years old. You’re not 12 yet, stop trying to speed up time.”  
  
“I am basically 12, Dean.”  
  
“Basically-12 doesn’t make you 12.”  
  
“Yes it does!”  
  
“Sam, no it doesn’t.”  
  
“Does too, jerk!”  
  
“Does not, bitch.”  
  
“Dean!” Mary exclaimed, eyes wide. “Don’t use that language with your brother. He’s only 11, for God’s sake.”  
  
Sam whispered defiantly, “Almost 12.”  
  
Dean rolled his eyes. Cas was grinning so wide he thought his mouth might hurt too much to eat the pie he’d made. Watching the Winchesters interact almost made him miss his own family, back when he was younger, back before... well, he grew up. Their bickering was endearing.  
  
“My name is Dean. I’m 15.” Dean crossed his leather-clad arms and gave a half smile to Cas. _Adorable_ , Cas thought. _This whole family is adorable_.  
  
Castiel laughed and joined in. “My name is Castiel Novak. I turned 20 about 2 months ago,” he added because they all seemed to be saying ages at this point. “But I promise I’m not some old lame guy like you think.”  
  
Cas pretended not to see the way Dean’s eyes widened when he said his age, or the way he shifted a little and let his eyes rake up and down Cas—blatantly in front of him _and_ his mom, might he add. He wasn’t about to let this tiny boy have inappropriate thoughts about him. He was too old, no, _way_ too old for him. Almost 5 years and a whole level of education away from each other. He tried his best to smile at _both_ Sam and Dean and hoped to whatever God was out there that Mary couldn’t see how flaming gay her son was when it came to older men.  
  
“For obvious reasons I will not be stating my age,” Mary joked, either ignoring or not seeing Dean checking Castiel out. “I hope you can forgive me, Cas.”

“No offense taken,” Cas said with a smile. He held out the pie for her to take, and she carefully grabbed the warm pan from him.

Mary ushered them all over to their dining table, shoving a stack of fancy napkins that looked to be in the process of being folded—probably for storage— to the ground before placing Cas’ pie on the table. “Castiel brought us over some pie to eat as a welcome gift.” She glanced knowingly at Dean. “It’s cherry pie, too.”  
  
Dean immediately loosened up, right before Cas’ eyes. He grinned and lunged for a chair at the table. “Well, this is now the best move ever.” He reached to seemingly grab a handful of pie, literally, with his bare hands when Mary smacked them away.  
  
“We have guests this time. You can’t just use your hands like an animal every time you eat.”  
  
“I was just washing the dishes! They’re clean!”  
  
“Go. Get. Plates.” Mary huffed. “Please.”  
  
Dean dropped his head in submission as Sammy walked beside Castiel and pulled out a chair for him to sit in. He gestured politely to the seat and waited for Cas to sit down. Cas was flattered. “Why Sammy, aren’t you a gentleman.”  
  
Sammy beamed. “Dad taught me all about that. He said I should always pull out chairs for dates and stuff.” He shrugged his slim shoulders as though the act of kindness was nothing. “Just being a man, that’s all.”  
  
Castiel held out his fist for a knuckle bump and said, “You did a fine job there, bud. Keep up the good work. Maybe you could teach me how to be a gentleman someday since I don’t seem to be very good at it.” He gestured to Mary who had already sat down at the table and was watching the two of them talk across from her. “I didn’t even hold the chair for her.”  
  
Sammy laughed and sat down next to Cas. He swung his too-short legs off the ground in the most precious display Cas had ever seen. “Mom’s got Dad to be her gentleman. She don’t need me or you.”  
  
Mary shook her head. “I always need my boys!” Dean had returned at this point with their plates and was setting one in front of each of them. Cas brushed hands with him as he took the plate Dean offered him, and he wouldn’t deny the small amusement he got when he felt the boy squirm in response. Ahhh, the good old days of not-having-control-over-that-thing-in-your-pants-literally-ever. Actually, Cas didn’t miss those days at all.  
  
“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said brightly. He winked at him in a friendly gesture, hinting at earlier that day when he’d saw him nearly topple over while mowing the lawn. It had quite the opposite of a “friendly” effect on Dean, however. His cheeks flushed red almost instantly, and he pouted his lips as though wanting to say something but holding back. Cas chose to ignore it.  
  
Next, Mary instructed Dean to cut them all a slice using the knives in one of the boxes still on the table. She grabbed one out and handed it to him. Dean carefully applied pressure into the pie, testing how thick it was, before evenly cutting it in half. He cut a few more times before seeming pleased with the size of their slices and then began to lift a piece out from the pie.  
  
It was beautiful. Red. Gooey. Cas was actually impressed with himself. The evening sun threw light onto the slice and made it almost appear to glow. Everyone’s mouths were watering at this point, the sight and smell enough to make anyone suddenly famished and hungry for this cherry pie. Dean carefully placed it on his mother’s plate, and she thanked him before digging into the pie.  
  
“Mmm,” she moaned. Through a mouthful of pie she said, “I’m not just saying this to be nice, Castiel. This is one of the best pies I’ve ever had. You must give me the recipe,” she swallowed and then laughed. “Actually, don’t. I still wouldn’t make it right, even with the recipe. This takes natural talent I do not possess.”  
  
Cas laughed. “Hardly, you’d be surprised how easy it is to—“  
  
Squish!  
  
Castiel looked down in horror at his shirt and his pants, now covered in cherry pie. Dean stood next to him, hand over his mouth and rubbing it almost aggressively, face beet red in obvious embarrassment. Castiel quickly removed the pie piece, stood up and took in the giant red stain all along his front torso and his fucking crotch.

He looked like someone had stabbed him in the gut.  
  
“Shit,” Dean muttered under his breath. Then, despite his mother’s sudden “Dean, not the good ones!”, he scooped up one of the fancy napkins from the floor and reached over as though he was going to clean Castiel off himself.  
  
Castiel was a little too shocked to move at first, but he quickly stopped the situation before Dean could touch him anywhere—which would have been especially bad considering he had the pie smeared all over his _lap_.  
  
Cas grabbed Dean’s hand holding the napkin and pulled it away. “Dude, it’s okay. I’m okay.”  
  
“No, it’s fine,” Dean continued, trying to reach in with little force. “I caused this, so I’ll get it off for you.”  
  
“Hey,” Castiel held in a laugh at how blatantly obvious it was Dean just wanted to touch him as he clasped the younger boy on the shoulder. “It’s not a big deal. My shirt will just smell like some bombass cherry pie from now on—sorry about my language, Mary.” Mary shrugged. “I’ll get myself another piece and we can finish eating.”  
  
Dean blushed but backed off.  
  
Cas got himself his own piece of pie, and they enjoyed the rest of the dessert talking about each other’s lives, conversation routinely interrupted by a soft hum of enjoyment for the pie or a childish comment from Sammy.  
  
Despite the awkward parts, Cas thought he liked his new neighbors.  
  
-  
  
A ring at the doorbell woke Cas up suddenly from his nap on the couch.  
  
He groggily opened his eyes as now a knock was then pounded into the door. Who the fuck was at his house? Castiel yelled, “One second!” before chucking off his blanket and heading towards the door. His head swam with sleep deprivation and dizziness from standing up so fast, but he made it to the door OK.  
  
It had been 3 weeks since his new neighbors had moved in, and Cas had gone over for dinner with them nearly every weekday night since he’d brought over his delicious cherry pie. He’d met John, Mary’s husband, in that time and learned that he’d been on a hunting trip with some work friends the first day Castiel had visited them. He was a nice guy—kind of intimidating, but he seemed to like Castiel. He especially liked the idea of him hanging out with his boys, since he seemed to believe Castiel was a good influence on them. It flattered Castiel that anyone saw him as a role model.  
  
Dean wasn’t so much an awkward, bumbling kid anymore around Cas, and he had started to fit his bad-boy image a little more: always swearing despite his mom’s threats, wrecking their dad’s car into a mailbox on their first week moved in when he tried to sneak out. But at the same time, Castiel was amazed at how sweet Dean was to his family. Especially his mom and Sammy. It didn’t seem like it that first day, but Dean actually cared a lot for them. Cas admire that about him.  
  
Presently, Castiel had only boxers on, so he clicked the front lock and opened the door just a crack to see who was standing out there, allowing only his head to show.  
  
“Hi?” It was Dean.  
  
“Oh, hey.” Cas grinned, still hidden behind the door. “What’s up, dude?”  
  
Dean ran a hand through his hair and pouted his lips. _He really does have some plump lips_ , Cas realized.  
  
“This may sound weird since my family has been here a month now,” Dean started, “but I still don’t know anybody. We moved all the way here from Kansas and I’m basically all alone. It doesn’t help that we’re homeschooled, so I stay home all day. I don’t know where anything is, and I certainly don’t have anyone to show me around the interesting parts of town.” Castiel could see where this was going, and he wasn’t sure why his heart sped up in anticipation. “So, if it wouldn’t be weird and you aren’t busy...” Dean looked him in the eyes and (Castiel almost gasped) smirked at him. Dean smirked a lot, but never like _that_ at Cas. “Would you take me for a ride through town?”  
  
Cas was conflicted. This boy clearly had some kind of feelings for him-- especially now that they had become closer, it was more obvious. Castiel had never done anything to encourage the burning looks Dean would sometimes give him when he was talking to Mary, and he ignored the “accidental” touches under the table when he came over for dinner. But now Dean was asking him, quite literally, to take him out on a date. As funny as it may be to see the younger boy sheepishly crush over the him, Cas couldn’t keep leading the poor kid on. It was wrong, legally and morally. This—the two of them—just couldn’t happen, no matter what Dean thought to himself. But how was he gonna let the boy down easy?  
  
“Did…did your mom say it was okay?” _Please say no, please say no, please say no._  
  
“Yeah!” Dean smiled and Cas tried really hard not to frown and to ignore his increasingly sweaty palms. “She thought it’d be cool to have another young person take me around and show me the sights of our great city.” Dean laughed. Cas (falsely) told himself he didn’t like hearing the sound of it, or watching the way his surprisingly sharp jawline tightened with the movement. “She trusts you.”  
  
 _I’m so fucked up._ Castiel thought. _Here I am thinking of his jawline and his pouty lips and he’s saying his mother trusts me. He’s 15! Fucking 15, Castiel! I’m 20 now. It’s time to stop thinking like a teenager._  
  
Castiel stared at the Winchester house behind Dean’s head while in thought, until Dean coughed softly. “So?”  
  
Cas forced a smile. “Absolutely! Let me just finish getting ready!” _Here it goes._  
  
Dean absolutely glowed. It broke Cas’ heart slightly to see him build up all this hope in the kid, knowing the two of them being together would never happen. But he couldn’t say “no” either; that was almost just as bad. Besides, Cas wasn’t doing anything today; it was a Sunday. Hell, it was one pm and he had been sleeping on the couch when Dean knocked, obviously he had nothing better to do.  
  
“Come on in,” Castiel said as he stepped out from behind the door to open it and let Dean inside. Dean’s smile faltered for only a split second before going back to normal once he saw Cas wearing nothing but boxers. Cas was impressed. He was getting a lot better at hiding his emotions around Cas.  
  
Cas covered his crotch with one hand since he was wearing what happened to be his pair of particularly-loose boxers that allowed... a little more freedom of movement. And he did not want to tempt the minds of the youth in his house with that image. If he’s gonna go frolicking around town with a minor he may as well have the decency to cover up his junk in said-minor’s presence. As Sammy would say, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do.  
  
“I’m gonna get dressed, then come back and we can go. Sound good?”  
  
“Yeah,” Dean nodded, eyes scanning every inch of Castiel’s living room. Cas realized with a shock that this was Dean’s first time in his house. And it wasn’t even cleaned.  
  
He watched as Dean took a seat on the couch and ran his fingers over the old leather. Cas’ mother had given it to him 4 months ago when they had got new furniture to replace the set his couch came from, and although his family and him weren’t on good terms, he’d bought it from her anyway since he’d only had a single loveseat from his dorm days before then. Not that he had people coming over all the time, but he had honestly needed a big couch that he could lay out on when he watched movies.  
  
Now Dean was examining it like he’d never seen a couch before. Cas rolled his eyes to himself before opening his bedroom door and grabbing some clothes off the floor—jeans from yesterday, a Post Malone t-shirt, and his favorite college hoodie he’d ordered online when he’d first enrolled.  
  
“Good enough,” he said to himself in the mirror. His black hair was messy from sleeping on the couch, sticking out at random angles in the back kinda like Sonic the Hedgehog, so he tried, in vain, to brush them down. Cas sighed in defeat. “Dean will still think I’m cute,” he tried to encourage himself.  
  
He returned to find the 15-year-old staring intently at a framed picture on the wall of Castiel with his family that had been a going-away gift from his mom. They had been at a family reunion for his dad’s side of the family when they’d took the picture; him, his mom, dad, and brother Gabriel all squinting against the setting sun while standing awkwardly together in front of some vibrantly green trees. The only reason Cas even put it up in his new house was because it was one of his favorite pictures of Gabriel.  
  
Aunt Amara has been drinking all day at the reunion—probably because of how insufferable she found them all— and was drunkenly stumbling around singing children’s songs by the end of the afternoon. Gabriel, ever the prankster, had stuck his leg out once when Amara was passing by, and in her drunken state she fell right over it and rolled a good 7 feet before flopping down face-first in the grass. Gabriel had laughed for ages at that, and he was still laughing when they called him over to take the picture. Even in a 5x8 inch moment, Castiel could see the glint of mischief in Gabe’s eyes, the crinkles at the corners of his mouth from really smiling. This was the only photo ever taken that truly captured his brother’s joy and energy he radiated. It was his favorite, especially since now Gabe was gone.  
  
“Is this your family?” Dean asked, breaking Cas from his momentary reminiscence.  
  
Cas smiled softly. “Yeah.”  
  
“Your dad looks nothing like you.”  
  
Castiel laughed, which made Dean grin up at him with his too-pink lips. “Well, me and Chuck never did really see eye-to-eye.” Castiel turned away from the bittersweet image and headed to the front door. He grabbed his keys off their hook and waited for Dean, who was still stuck by the picture, to join him.  
  
“I find that hard to believe,” Dean said, stuffing his hands in his leather jacket and strolling over to Cas.  
  
Castiel raised one eyebrow at Dean’s smirk. “What?”  
  
Dean shrugged a little and tilted his head. “Your eyes are so beautiful, I doubt he had trouble looking into them.”  
  
It took Castiel a moment to realize, _was that a flirtation?_  
  
He chuckled, shaking his head and opening the door to go outside. “You flatter me, Dean Winchester. They’re not that cool.” They headed out to Cas’ car as Dean continued on talking with a scoff.  
  
“Not that cool? Cas, you have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I could probably spend hours looking at them and how they shine in the sunlight, or how they light up a little when you talk about finishing your degree, or how they somehow turn even bluer when you wear the color green, or--” Dean stopped talking at the passenger side door, almost as if he’d realized all that he’d just sputtered out. He looked at Cas from over the roof of the car. “No homo, though.” And with that, he promptly opened the unlocked car door and sat down on the gray-colored seats in Cas’ car.  
  
Castiel was shocked, but mostly flattered. He found Dean’s little rambling endearing, but wasn’t sure how to properly respond to it, so he just kept his mouth shut. Castiel opened his car door, sat down, started the engine, and didn’t say a word.  
  
He put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Castiel had already decided they would first stop at the town’s oldest business: Joey’s Ice Cream and Confectionaries. He used to love going there as a kid because his dad would buy them all triple-scoop chocolate ice cream, and little Gabriel could never seem to eat the whole thing before it started melting like crazy, all over his hands and his mouth. Cas would sit and laugh with him, telling him he looked like a wild animal, and that always made Gabe do some ferocious growl or hiss back at him.  
  
He hadn’t visited Joey’s in at least four years, since he came out to his parents, so he wasn’t sure if it was exactly the same. He hoped that it was.  
  
“I thought you would like the compliment,” Dean spoke up. They’d been riding in silence for a couple minutes now. Cas hadn’t even said where they were going yet.  
  
Cas sighed. “I did, Dean, I just wasn’t expecting it I guess.” He looked at his passenger out of the corner of his eye and lifted up the side of his mouth in a half smile. “It was sweet.”  
  
Dean looked out the window and seemed to be thinking deeply about something. Outside of it, they passed neighborhood after neighborhood, some houses in them already with Halloween decorations up despite it being only September. Cas wondered if he should buy some, since this would be his first full Halloween at his new house. The idea kind of excited him.  
  
“I just,” Dean rubbed at a spot on the back of his arm, “I don’t mean to offend you. Or make you uncomfortable. Like, sorry if I’m reading you wrong but you just seemed like you…” he trailed off, but Castiel could tell what he was getting at. He thought Castiel was gay like him and was now questioning if maybe he had been wrong since Cas hadn’t reacted necessarily positive to his flirting. He had no idea how Dean could read his sexuality so easily, but he settled with it being the lack of a girlfriend or other females in his life.  
  
“No, you’re right,” Castiel laughed, and Dean noticeably loosened up, glancing at him. “I’m hella gay and love a good dick. Just not underage dick, I’m afraid.”  
  
Even while driving Cas could see the blush blooming over the boy’s face. “Oh,” is all he said.  
  
Castiel didn’t really want the rest of their trip to be awkward like this so he quickly changed the subject. Complimenting his eyes was one thing, but him and Dean openly talking about liking dick? That he couldn’t do without permanently scarring the poor child. “But enough about that! Don’t you wanna know where I’m taking you?” Dean nodded.  
  
“I kinda thought for a minute maybe you were just kidnapping me,” Dean said with a smirk. Oh, the cheeky little shit.  
  
“Sorry, Rapunzel, I am not kidnapping you. I don’t think it counts as kidnapping if you willingly come with me.” Castiel jerked the wheel a bit to avoid hitting some random lady walking her dog who wasn’t paying attention. “In fact, if I remember correctly--which I do-- you _invited_ me. This is not a kidnapping.”  
  
Dean smacked him on the arm lightly. “Shut up and just tell me where we’re going, Sasstiel.”  
  
Cas grinned at the nickname and made the final turn to get to Joey’s. “Clever one, Dean.” He gestured to the small, rundown building in front of them. “And voila! Here we are. Joey’s Ice Cream and Confectionaries.”  
  
Dean leaned his head over to get a better view of the place and he squinted to read the fading sign above the door that said their working hours. To Castiel’s delight, he didn’t look absolutely disgusted by its pretty damn ugly appearance, which only Cas knew wasn’t accurate of how amazing their food was inside.  
  
“Looks pretty old,” Dean said, and Castiel agreed.  
  
“It’s the oldest still-working business in town.” He shrugged. “Also, it makes the best ice cream ever, if memory serves me right, so what better place to go than here for your first tour of the area?” Castiel put the car in park, and they opened their doors simultaneously, ready to head inside.  
  
Cas was hit with a rush of nostalgia when he entered the slightly rusted front door; the sound of the bell alerting their entrance made him feel as though he’d almost stepped right back in time. When Dean brushed against his arm, he was momentarily surprised, thinking it was Gabe. But that was a fleeting thought, and was gone as soon as it came when he saw Dean wide-eyed and with a small smile. He was here now, that’s all that mattered.  
  
The air was chillier in here so that the ice cream and candies didn’t melt, so Dean pulled his leather jacket tighter and Cas pulled his hoodie’s sleeves past his hands, covering them. “You can have anything you want,” Cas said to Dean. “I promise literally everything is good. Unless they’ve changed the recipe. Then don’t blame me.”  
  
“Oh, fuck yes,” Dean practically moaned. They walked up to the counter together and a young woman with bright red hair from the back of the store came out to take their order.  
  
“Hi, guys!” she said cheerily. Cas noticed her name tag said “Charlie.” Kind of an odd girl name, but hey, parents can do whatever they want with that. “What can I get for you today?”  
  
Cas was prepared. He wanted to get exactly what he used to order. “I’ll have the triple-scoop chocolate ice cream in a sugar cone, please.” He saw Dean was still looking intently into the glass container where all the ice cream flavors were visible, so he asked, “Dean, are you ready to order?”  
  
He paused momentarily and then looked up and said with a cool smile, “I’ll have mint chocolate chip on a waffle cone.” Cas almost rolled his eyes at the way Dean was looking at the girl, as though she was one of the candies there too. However, she must have been used to it because she didn’t react at all.  
  
“That will be $6.58 today.”  
  
Cas tried to hold back his laugh as he saw the slightly dejected look on Dean’s face as Cas handed his card over to her. Dean may be cute, but not this chick’s type it seemed.  
  
The girl set to work making their orders, so Cas scanned the room to find a table. He decided on the one next to the window, hoping the sun coming through may warm them up a bit, since it was so damn cold in there. Dean took off his jacket and laid it on the back of one of the chairs, marking it as his own, then fixed the sleeves on his flannel shirt. Castiel noticed some bracelets on his arm as he took a seat across from Dean and commented on them.  
  
“These?” Dean responded, fingering the beads in his thin fingers. “They’re some of my dad’s. He goes on hunting trips a lot and always brings back cool souvenirs from them.” He pulled off one that had an odd star-shaped logo encircled by flames like the sun on it. “He told me this one is an anti-possession symbol, so that when I wear this I can’t be possessed by a demon. Sick, right?” He put it back on, placing his hand against the table and quietly tapping his fingers against it.  
  
“I didn’t know your dad was into that kind of stuff,” Castiel said, honestly surprised. Dean just shrugged.  
  
“Your ice cream is ready!” the girl from earlier yelled to them. Dean and Cas got up to get their respective cones and Cas’ mouth started to water at the sight. It looked even better than he remembered, albeit a little smaller--probably because he’s bigger now--but delicious nonetheless.  
  
“Mmm,” Cas hummed to himself, taking his first lick. Flavor instantly burst in his mouth. God, he really loved Joey’s chocolate ice cream.  
  
“This is so good,” Dean agreed. “Thanks for buying it for me.”  
  
“No problem,” Castiel said between licks. They both sat down again, Cas making sure his tall, 3-scoop ice cream didn’t fall over. He would have easily started crying. “It’s my treat for you. Literally.”  
  
Dean laughed a little and took a huge lick off his mint ice cream, having the time of his life it seemed. “You’re a good date,” Dean joked.  
  
“The best,” Castiel said around a bite of dessert. He swallowed and looked at Dean, when something occurred to him. “Dean, have you ever been on a date before?”  
  
Dean continued licking his ice cream, probably not too interested in the conversation and more focused on the cold goodness in his hands. “Nope,” he stopped and tilted his head a little. “Well, not with a guy at least. I went to a school dance with a girl last year and we had dinner before it, so I guess that counts as a date.”  
  
That brought up another question for Cas. “That girl you went with, did you like her? I mean, did you _like_ _like_ her?  
  
Dean smiled. “You sound like you’re my age now, Castiel.” Cas blushed a little but rolled his eyes anyway. “And to answer your question, yeah, I did. She was hot, like, smokin’ hot. And she could kiss like a freakin’ goddess, man. I kinda miss her now. Too bad she had to go and get a real boyfriend and leave me real fast.”  
  
Cas was confused. “I thought you liked boys? Or is that a new thing for you?”  
  
Dean raised his eyebrows and licked his ice cream again. “Very new. But I’m not just into dudes. I like girls, too.” He smirked. “Both are pretty good fucks. Or at least I assume they are. I’ve never been inside of either gender.”  
  
“So you’re bi then.” Castiel chuckled. “And yeah, both are pretty good fucks. But I couldn’t tell you how enjoyable being with a girl is since I never did enjoy it. Always too… much vagina I guess.”  
  
Dean literally choked on his ice cream as he laughed unexpectedly. Cas grinned at him and continued to eat his chocolate ice cream while Dean spluttered, giggling as tears ran down his face.  
  
“I swear to God, warn me next time before you say something like that. That was fucking hilarious, Cas.” He wiped at his eyes with one hand while placing the hand holding his ice cream cone onto the table. Once he recovered he said, “So that means you’ve slept with a guy too?” Cas nodded, still smiling from Dean’s display a second earlier. That smile immediately disappeared as Dean asked, “So then… what’s it actually like? To be with a, um, boy, I mean.”  
  
Castiel contemplated his next move. He could either have the conversation he avoided having earlier in the car, or he could just change the subject. The latter seemed like the best option, since there was clearly no way this chat would end in anything but awkward silence and probably a boner from both Cas and Dean--although, Cas’ would be from remembering past experiences and Dean’s would be… he shivered at the thought. He shouldn’t give this kind of sexual talk to a 15-year-old.  
  
“Dean, I don’t think I should--”  
  
“Come on,” Dean begged. “I won’t tell my mom you told me or anything. I won’t tell anyone at all. Please, I just wanna know what it’s like. Did it hurt, did you do the fucking or are you a bottom, what does a dick in your mouth feel like--”  
  
“Jesus, Dean! Keep it down.” Cas sighed, exasperated. He glanced over to the red-headed worker and saw she was thankfully preoccupied with cleaning the glass of the ice cream display. In a hushed tone, Cas said, “Okay, I’ll tell you a little bit, but that’s it.”  
  
Dean practically beamed. “I’m all ears.”  
  
“Well,” Cas bit the inside of his cheek, not sure he should even say this to a kid. “I’m more of a… top, although I have had it in my ass before. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it might be, but it was, um, nice after a while.”  
  
Dean’s eyes were bulging so far out of his head Cas wondered if he was even breathing. God, he’s giving fuel to this kid’s twisted imagination, he should really stop now.  
  
“What about sucking dick? Does it… does it hurt too?” Dean sounded like he was asking a teacher a math question. His face was too innocent for any of the words leaving his mouth.  
  
“To be on the receiving end, no.” Cas almost grinned devilishly at the memories of past lovers who had given him head, but held himself back so he didn’t seem eager with the conversation. “It honestly is the second-best thing to the sex itself. Someone’s wet, hot mouth wrapped around you is—“ Cas sighed lightly, “it’s hard to explain.”  
  
Dean ran a hand through his slightly-gelled hair and shifted around in his seat.  
  
“But giving head,” Cas continued, “that isn’t the most comfortable of things to do. Having your jaw open for so long...” He rubbed his own at the thought. “And the _sucking_ with it. Oh, it’s torture sometimes. But I mean, if you’re into that, you’re into that.”  
  
Dean stayed quiet for a second as he seemed to watch a bit of melted ice cream drip down his cone. Before it could reach his hand, he opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out unnecessarily far. It dragged up the cone, licking off the tiny drop, and then Dean looked straight into Castiel’s eyes with a satisfied signature smirk.  
  
“I think it would be quite enjoyable to give it.”  
  
Castiel’s head was fucking spinning.  
  
“Well, I’m sure you could find a perfectly attractive boy that’s your age to try it with.”  
  
“I don’t see why they have to be my age.”  
  
Cas knew instantly what Dean was implying with _that_ comment. He resisted the urge to whack the kid in the head and instead tried to put some sense into him. “Because that’s what every kid does. Get with people their own age.”  
  
“Doesn’t mean people older than me wouldn’t enjoy it from me too.”  
  
Castiel sucked in a deep breath, annoyed Dean wouldn’t listened and starting to feel more than a little heated. And not in the sexual way. “You’re just too young to understand these things, Dean. Not just about sex; about everything. The world is so much bigger than you, at 15 years old, could ever know. It’s hard to see now, but you’ll know later—“  
  
Dean suddenly sat up straighter. His eyebrows furrowed as he interrupted, “Castiel, just because I’m barely 5 years younger than you doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do or to make me feel so—so stupid! I get that enough from everyone else, I don’t need you to treat me like a child too.”  
  
“Well, sometimes you have to be treated like a child. You know why? Because you are one!” Castiel was fuming. “You think you’re smart enough to make good decisions and you think you have everything figured out, but you don’t! You’ll just end up throwing your life away, and someone will find you dead before you’re even 17. You really want that?”  
  
Dean didn’t say anything. Cas was being way too specific for it to be about just him anymore and it was making him uncomfortable. “Castiel...” he said softly, hoping to diffuse the situation. He didn’t want to hurt Cas’ feelings, as much as he was annoying him at the moment. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Castiel remained quiet. He took a look at his half-eaten ice cream and realized he wasn’t hungry anymore. He stood up and chucked it into the nearest trashcan. “Let’s just go.”  
  
Dean was beyond confused but followed suit anyway. He kept his ice cream, determined to finish it since Castiel had paid for it. He couldn’t just waste money like that, especially not his own. The noise of the bell from the door rang faintly in his head as they exited.  
  
Castiel started the car and they drove back to Dean’s home in silence. Dean was able to eat all of his ice cream during the ride, too afraid to even say anything, let alone apologize. He really messed up back there. He shouldn’t have tried to work Cas up, thinking talking about blowjobs and putting on some stupid teasing display would actually turn an adult man on. He probably looked like an idiot. And now Cas, who he liked a lot even apart from his attraction to him, was mad at him. Dean had gone and fucked up a good thing, he thought, and was scared he couldn’t fix it.  
  
They finally reached his house, Dean fretting for so long he was practically nauseous.  
  
Cas still didn’t say anything once they parked so Dean said awkwardly, “Uh, I guess this is goodbye then—“  
  
“Gabriel.” Cas didn’t look at Dean, but Dean immediately looked at Cas, shocked. “His name was Gabriel.”  
  
“Your... brother?” Dean remembered the picture in Cas’ living room, the one he seemed so fond of. There was another boy with Castiel that Cas had never mentioned before when he’d hung out with Dean’s family, yet he had definitely mentioned his parents and how much he disliked them. From that, Dean just connected the dots and make his guess that the boy was his brother.  
  
Cas nodded, smiling a little. “Yeah, but I called him Gabe. He was only 2 years younger than me, so when I was 18, he was 16. We used to be super close, playing games when we were younger, me helping with his homework, practicing with him when he tried out for school sports.” Cas shook his head sadly. “He was so smart. So damn smart.” He paused. “But not smart enough to stay away from stupid people.”  
  
Dean’s heart was breaking just looking at Castiel. His hands fidgeted with the hem of the bottom of his shirt, anxious. His blue eyes swam with small, unfallen tears.  
  
“One night—“ Cas’ voice strained a little as he spoke. “One night I was supposed to watch him for my parents while they were at a conference for my mom’s work. He wanted to go hang out with some friends without them knowing. I didn’t like his friends—they all drank and smoked, which I didn’t think was appropriate for a bunch of 16 and 15-year-olds—but Gabe begged me. _Convinced_ me they were just doing homework. And I wanted to go to the movies with some friends anyway so I just--” Castiel slammed his hand on the steering wheel suddenly. Dean jumped. “How stupid I was! I just let him go!”  
  
At this point, Cas was wiping his eyes in an attempt to cover up the pain he was reliving. It was obvious he didn’t talk about this much, so Dean didn’t know if he should be honored Cas was opening up to him or panic, because he sucked at comforting people.  
  
“He and those idiots got so shit-faced off some cheap beer that I’m sure his dumb friends stole from their parents,” Cas continued, “and then decide to go for a little joy ride. Only one of them even had a license, but they all took turns driving his truck around like it’s a game. And they let Gabe drive…”  
  
Castiel stopped speaking to take a deep breath. He looked so hurt, Dean tried to anchor him a little with a hand on his thigh. To his surprise, Cas didn’t push it away; he placed his hand on top of it. Dean pretended not to notice how much bigger it was than his own, skinny little fingers.  
  
“He was going 70 down an empty one-way street and started sliding, which made sense because it had rained the night before. The truck flipped and went into a ditch, injuring the other two passengers and…killing the driver. Gabe was found dead at the scene, alcohol absolutely coursing through his system. And it was all my fault.” Castiel broke down, crying openly but silently. Dean squeezed his hand and traced a soft pattern with his thumb into Cas’ skin. He might have been milking the situation a little bit, but Castiel seemed genuinely comforted by it as he squeezed tighter, making sure Dean couldn’t let go. “I let him go to that stupid house, I let him hang out with those stupid friends. I knew they were going to get drunk! All so I could go hang out with my friends!”  
  
Dean couldn’t stand to hear anymore. He had to speak up or Cas would internally destroy himself all over again. “It’s not your fault, Cas. It’s not.” Castiel rubbed his eyes forcefully and then looked quizzically at Dean. “There’s no way you could’ve known what would happen. Gabe knew what he was doing going to that house. He knew the dangers of drinking underage. And he lied to you. How could it ever be your fault?”  
  
Castiel scoffed and chuckled softly, leaning his head back. “Because I’m the older brother. I look after the little one.” He turned to face Dean again. “I was supposed to protect him! You should know what that’s like. You have Sammy.” He laid his head down against the steering wheel, breathlessly chanting, “It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s _all_ my fault.”  
  
Castiel was starting to sound straight out of a sad teen novel, but Dean knew his pain wasn’t for theatrics. He hoped with all his heart he wasn’t over-stepping boundaries as he shifted and grabbed Cas’ hand with both of his and held it gently. This was easily the most romantic thing he’d ever done.  
  
He looked him in the eyes and said, “You’re a good person, Castiel. You’re the closest thing I have here to a friend. What happened to your brother is horrible—a serious tragedy—, but I won’t allow you to blame yourself for it any longer.” He paused and let go of Castiel’s hand. “You’re a good man, Castiel. The best.”  
  
Cas just stared at him. To Dean, he seemed to be at a loss for words.  
  
What Dean didn’t know was that that was the first time anyone had ever said that to him: That it wasn’t his fault. That Gabriel was to blame just as much as he was, if not more.  
  
Castiel remembered waiting for Gabe to come home, only to have the police show up at his house and tell him that his brother was dead. Then having to see the look of utter despair on his parents’ face when they came home and found out what had happened. Cas had come out to his family over a year prior to Gabe’s death, and although Gabe had been supportive of him as always, his mom and dad had been distancing themselves from him ever since, disgusted at the thought that their son could ever like someone of the same gender. Gabe’s death had been the final straw. They blamed him for everything, made him feel like shit. Nothing he ever did after that was good enough for them; not getting a job, not getting into college, not buying his own house. He never again had anyone encourage him in that household, and here Dean was, some random boy who just moved in next door to him, telling Castiel what his parents never had.  
  
That he wasn’t at fault. That he was a good person. That people _cared_ about him.  
  
Suddenly, Cas cupped Dean’s face with his hands, making Dean practically melt. His slightly-teary eyes gazed into the 15-year-old’s. He smiled a little. “Thank you, Dean.”  
  
Dean leaned into the larger hands of his good friend and was so thrilled by the whole situation he had suddenly found himself in that his voice came out as only a whisper: “I should probably go now.”  
  
Castiel leaned forward slowly, and Dean panicked. _Is this a kiss? What is happening right now?_ he thought. He had never kissed a boy; this was all new to him. He wasn’t ready, he hadn’t even brushed his teeth this morning. Worst of all, as much as he loved the way Cas was holding his face, he couldn’t help but feel he was taking advantage of Cas in his overly-emotional state, and wondered if this was something Cas would later regret? This was bad, really bad. How would he—  
  
Cas kissed him on the forehead.  
  
“Stay safe, Dean. I’ll see you later for our next tour of town.”  
  
Heart still racing, head absolutely turned inside out, Dean smiled and reached for the car door. Cas patted his cheek briefly before letting go. Dean took that opportunity to open the door and back out of the car, his smile practically etched into his skin. He was sparking with energy.  
  
“See you, Sasstiel!” he yelled teasingly as he walked up the driveway to his front door.  
  
Cas flipped him off and then turned around to go the 30-foot drive home.  
  
-  
  
Castiel was jolted awake by the sound of his front door unlocking suddenly. That seemed to be happening a lot lately.  
  
It was still dark outside, so it was probably around three am. He’d fallen asleep on the couch and now, it seemed, someone was breaking into his house.  
  
He reached for something to use as a weapon and only found his TV remote, which he held onto anyway. Better than nothing, he supposed.  
  
The intruder, who had managed to open the door somehow, was now hidden by shadow in the doorway. Cas raised his fist to retaliate but was stopped as the man--or should he say, boy--stepped into the light of the house.  
  
“Dean?” he found himself saying. Dean was standing there, dressed in his signature leather jacket and flannel—the same one he’d been wearing when they had gotten ice cream together earlier that day—, staring him down with the most intense, hungry look in his eyes Cas had ever seen. “Are you OK?”  
  
Dean stepped forward towards Cas, and the look in his eyes made Cas take a step back, away from him. What the hell was going on? He felt something hit the back of his knees and then suddenly he was toppling onto the couch, landing on his back and dropping his useless weapon.  
  
Dean hovered over him, licking his lips and then looking Castiel up and down. He reached a hand out and traced a finger lazily down Cas’ torso while Cas laid there, frozen in confusion. The finger stopped at the edge of his sweatpants, and then started going up under his shirt. Dean laid his hand flat onto Cas’ stomach and ran it along his soft abs, feeling all over him. Cas couldn’t move, just felt the gentle edges of Dean’s tiny hand as it ran across his stomach, his heart, one of his nipples. At that sensation, he found his voice.  
  
“Dean?” It was merely a breath.  
  
“Shhh,” Dean cooed. “Relax. Just let me feel you.”  
  
Cas was confused beyond belief but then Dean was taking both hands and sliding Castiel’s shirt up, bunching it under his arms and exposing his long torso. He bit his plump bottom lip in the most aroused expression possible, and Cas found that he no longer cared to know what was happening. He just wanted the 15-year-old boy to touch him.  
  
The hungry look returned in Dean’s eyes as he raked them down the older man’s smooth chest. His tongue darted out to play with his bottom lip to soothe it from the bite for a second, followed by a low hum of appreciation at the absolute beauty that was Castiel Novak.  
  
“I’ve pictured what you would look like under all those stupid baggy sweatshirts for so long,” Dean purred. He got onto his knees beside the couch and ran a hand down one of Cas’ bent thighs before bringing it up to run over his now-bare chest again. “But you’re even prettier in person.”  
  
He started to place kisses along his hips, leading to his belly button. His mouth opened into wet, sucking kisses as he lapped at all the sweet, smooth skin Cas offered him.  
  
Cas was squirming at the feeling, head swimming with the attention. “I need to lose some weight honestly—“  
  
Dean stopped him by biting a bit of flesh right above the band of his sweatpants. “Don’t—” he growled, “take any of this away from me. You’re fucking perfect.”  
  
Castiel’s heart pounded in his chest, dick starting to stir at the way Dean was handling him and complimenting the way he looked. This was body worship at its finest and Castiel was slowly realizing how much he enjoyed it.  
  
Just when he thought the kissing was going to go on for hours, Dean dragged his hands up and squeezed one of Cas’ nipples. Cas’ back arched at the sudden sensation, and a soft “Fuck.” came from his open mouth.  
  
Dean grinned. “Hmm, never would have guessed you’d like someone playing with your nipples. That’s such a bottom trait after all.” He ran his tongue in circles around the bud he wasn’t rubbing and looked up into Cas’ eyes. He kissed it softly once, and added, “I figured you’d be the top tonight, but if you wanna act this way...” He trailed off as Castiel groaned.  
  
Cas’ eyes closed as a flood of mental images entered his mind: Dean riding him, bouncing himself on Cas’ cock, begging to come; Dean taking it from behind, Castiel’s body hovered over his tinier frame, one hand gripping Dean’s throat and forcing his head back to kiss sloppily; Dean standing up, back scraping along the wall as Cas holds up his smaller partner, fucking roughly into him and making his eyes roll into the back of his head; Dean screaming his name as he comes; Dean shaking from orgasm after orgasm; Dean whimpering as Cas keeps going, using his adolescent body over and over, and him taking all of it.  
  
By the time Dean was pulling Cas’ pants off, Castiel was fully hard.  
  
His cock, still constricted under his boxers, completely tented them. Dean was beaming. “It’s looks so big,” he breathed out as though he was actually awestruck. “I bet it’ll stretch my mouth so good.”  
  
Cas reached over and fisted part of Dean’s light brown hair. He wanted to regain some form of control on the situation. “Why don’t you find out, baby.”  
  
Dean whined at the pet name and hurried to take off his boxers. Cas’ cock sprang free, precum already forming at the head. It had been awhile since he’d done anything sexual with anyone but himself. His neglected cock was apparently more than happy to perk up now, even with such simple simulation.  
  
“Fuck,” Dean said to himself. It really was big. And he’d have to fit that into his small frame somehow.  
  
“You can do it, baby,” Castiel encouraged, running his hand gingerly through his hair where he’d previously been gripping it. “I know you can. You’re so good to me, Dean, you’ll do so good.”  
  
Dean visibly swallowed, nervous but with determination painted across his face. Cas hoped to see something else painted across his face soon if he would just hurry and put his mouth on him.  
  
Finally, Dean started to lean forward, tongue out. Castiel laid his head back, ready to feel the wet, inexperienced tongue lap against him and make him cum—when suddenly they were interrupted by a knock on Cas’ front door.  
  
Castiel shot up, and Dean was gone. Literally.  
  
Cas noticed that it was suddenly daylight, unlike the previous darkness of 3 am.  
  
 _Was that all... a dream?_ Castiel panicked. His own mind had just created a fucking sex fantasy where Dean Winchester was about to give him head. And he had _liked_ it.  
  
The knocking sound—which was apparently real—sounded again. Castiel was starting to get really tired of the constant company at his house lately. He moved to open it before looking down and noticing the not-so-friendly morning wood he had. He was hard in his dream and now in real life too. And somebody was waiting for him to answer their knock.  
  
His boner was obvious, but he figured if he stood behind the door, whoever was there wouldn’t ever see it. His dignity would be safe.  
  
With slight hesitation Cas opened his front door partly and peeked out. He was pleasantly surprised to see Mary Winchester standing on his porch, blonde hair tied back in a ponytail but still looking beautiful as ever. She smiled when she saw Cas’ face.  
  
“Hey, Castiel,” she said, sounding almost apologetic. “I’m sorry it’s kinda early, but my family was going to have scrambled eggs for breakfast when I suddenly noticed I didn’t even have any eggs.” She jokingly shook her head at herself for being forgetful. “I was wondering if maybe you might have some.”  
  
Cas thought for a moment. Did he have eggs? “I can check for you,” he decided to say. He paused, looked down, decided his hard-on had gone down enough to not be as noticeable with his loose sweatpants on, and opened the door fully. “You can come in and sit while I look.” As an extra measure, he made sure to face away from her as he turned to go to the kitchen.  
  
Mary happily obliged to his invitation to come in and stepped inside, glancing around Cas’ living room. “Thanks!” She sat herself down on his couch and, ironically, stroked the leather of it, just like her son had done the day before. “You’ve got a nice place, Castiel. I understand why Dean talks about coming here so much.”  
  
Cas, who had moved into the kitchen, nearly choked at her words. “Dean... has been talking about coming over to my house a lot?” He was glad he was in the kitchen and away from Mary’s point of view, because he felt like he was definitely blushing right then. He opened his fridge and was excited to find an egg carton sitting in the back behind a package of sliced cheese. “And how many eggs do you need?”  
  
“I think 4 will be fine for us.” Mary peaked her head into the kitchen, apparently having left her place on the couch, as she said, “And Dean loves hanging out with you.” She laughed. “He came home from your ice cream date yesterday with a grin plastered onto his face for a solid hour. I haven’t seen him this happy since before the move.”  
  
Cas grabbed 4 eggs carefully out from the carton in the fridge and turned around to hand them to Mary, who by now had joined him the kitchen and was leaning against the counter behind him. “Did he really call it a... date?”  
  
Mary held her hands out for the eggs, and Castiel found himself surprised that she could fit all 4 of them into her tiny hands, 2 wrapped in each fist. “No,” she said with a smile. “I was just making a joke. Although I wasn’t joking about how much he enjoys your company. I think it’s sweet of you to invest your time in him like you have been. He doesn’t get very many chances to be around his dad since he’s always working, so having at least one older male figure in his life seems to be a good thing for him.” Cas remained silent, overcome with sudden emotion as Mary added, “I’d give you a hug right now but...” She held up the eggs to demonstrate she had her hands full.  
  
Castiel chuckled and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “It’s nothing really. Dean’s a good kid, and he has a big heart for his family and other people.” He paused, picturing Dean in his mind for a second. The smirk that always grew on his face when he did something mischievous. How his green eyes lit up when he saw food. The gentleness with which he held Cas’ hand hours ago in the car when he was upset. “He’s a special boy.”  
  
Mary nodded her agreement. “Him and Sam are my whole world.” She moved off of the counter and started walking out of the kitchen. “I’ll tell them both you said ‘hi’ and that they should thank you for the eggs. Dean would have been here himself but he’s still sleeping. It’s nearly 11 but,” she winked at him, “growing boys need their sleep.”  
  
Castiel felt warm from her compliments. He missed having a mom to encourage him, who would give him hugs and tell him he was her whole world like Mary did with Sam and Dean. He hoped they realized how lucky they were to have someone like her.  
  
They walked together to his front door and Cas reached forward and opened it for her. Mary mock saluted him with a hand full of eggs and said, “Thank you so much for the eggs, Castiel. I hope to see you soon?”  
  
She ended it in a question, as though she was implying Cas should come over in the near future. It had been a long time since he’d heard someone be so eager to see him. Just him. It was nice.  
  
“Of course,” he answered her. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. The words entered his brain and came out of his mouth quickly, hoping to catch her before she had gone too far. “Hey! I have season passes to the Aces basketball game this Saturday. They’re the big college team in our town and they’re actually pretty good. If your family wants to come, I can invite one guest for free and get discounts for the rest of you.”  
  
Castiel was lying. They weren’t that good, but he wanted Mary to say yes.  
  
Mary stood outside the door for a moment, probably thinking over their family schedule mentally. After what felt like hours of Cas holding his breath, Mary bit her lip and said, “Well, John will still be out of town for work, and Sammy is going over to a friend’s house in the morning with me. But--” she grinned widely, “Dean will be free! I’m sure he’d love to go.”  
  
Cas felt his heart stop and then speed up almost simultaneously. He _had_ promised Dean another day out to show him around town, and going to an Aces game was a basic experience for anyone living there. He just really hoped Dean didn’t think of their hangouts as… “dates.” The last thing he needed was a 15-year-old boy crushing on him, and if his dream last night was any indication, spending time with Dean might not be the best thing for his morality. And sanity.  
  
“That sounds fine,” Cas said quietly.  
  
“Great!” Mary backed up and started walking away. Their houses were so close she hadn’t needed to drive, only walk. “I’ll tell Dean your offer, he’ll be so excited. What time does the game start?”  
  
“3 o'clock. But I’ll come over to your house at 2 so we aren’t late.”  
  
“Okay, sounds good! I’ll leave the door unlocked for when you come.” With one final smirk, she added, “Take care of him, Castiel.”  
  
Cas felt a little queasy. “I always do.”  
  
-  
  
He’d told Mary five days ago he’d be over to pick Dean up at two for the basketball game, but it was almost one and Cas was bored out of his mind. He’d finished his homework early and was now starving, but he didn’t have any food in his house considering his hectically busy week had prevented him from buying anything.  
  
“I should go out to eat but...” Cas said out loud to his empty house, “what about Dean?”  
  
Cas thought about it for a minute before deciding that he’d just take Dean with him. What’s the difference of picking him up at one instead of two? He’ll buy him food too; it’ll be his treat. Dean fucking loved food, so Cas doubted he’d be mad if he showed up an hour early if he promised him a large cheeseburger meal.  
  
It had been almost a week since he’d had the dream of Dean, and although thoughts of the boy seemed to plague his mind during random times of the day—the way he laughed, the way he played with his bracelets, the way he gushed about Cas’ eyes adorably—, he still hadn’t had anymore dreams with him in it. He was grateful, since it had to be unhealthy to be thinking so much about your 15-year-old neighbor like the way Cas was thinking about him. He often caught himself wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Was he considered a pedophile? Did Dean actually have an attraction to him or was Cas just projecting his own impure thoughts onto the boy? He’d had so many psychological talks like that with himself over the last couple days he was starting to think he might literally be crazy.  
  
But Cas had to put all of those worries aside for now. Today was him and Dean’s basketball game day, and some stupid nasty thoughts were not about to ruin their fun.  
  
Without notifying Dean—since what was the point, they lived 30 feet from each other—Castiel made his way across the street to the Winchester’s front door. He knocked, but there was no reply. He wondered if maybe Dean was sleeping in his room and didn’t hear. Mary had said he was a late sleeper.  
  
In a stroke of brilliance, Castiel got a devilish idea of sneaking into his room and scaring him awake, successfully getting Dean back for spilling pie on him when they’d first met over a month ago.  
  
Castiel tested the front door and mentally cheered when he found it unlocked, probably left open by Mary for Cas’ arrival when she left the house earlier that day like she’d told him she was. He quietly snuck into the opening hall before carefully peeking his head around the corner to see if Dean was asleep on the couch in the living room. No one was there though, so Cas continued on to the staircase that lead to Dean’s bedroom. He took a single step onto the stairs and winced at the loud creak from the wood. _Shit shit shit, don’t give me away you stupid plank._  
  
As if in response, the next step squeaked even louder and this time Castiel heard a scrape of wood on the floor from upstairs, which Cas could only assume was Dean getting out of bed, awakened by how loud Castiel was being. Cas ran up the stairs, hoping to at least catch him off guard and jump scare him a little bit, when he suddenly reached the top of the stairs and realized he was grossly wrong about the whole situation.  
  
Dean’s door was slightly open, just barely, but enough for Cas to see one bare leg laying bent up on the mattress of Dean’s bed. It was also enough for Cas to hear Dean. A soft gasp, a low moan, a fucking squeak.   
  
He meant to alert Dean of his presence before cracking open the door to his room and looking in, so that Dean could stop and at least put some clothes on and maybe they could pretend like Castiel had never heard or saw anything. He really meant to.  
  
Or at least that was what Cas told himself as he slowly opened Dean’s door, watching in fascination as more of his long, lean naked body came into view. He only let his eyes look into the room from behind the small opening of the door, but it was enough for Cas to see everything. Somehow, Dean still didn’t hear or recognize Cas was looking into the room, which Cas wasn’t sure he was grateful for or mad about. He just wanted to get this over with but at the same time he...hoped Dean didn’t stop.  
  
The sight was one straight out of Castiel’s porn fantasies. Dean had his legs spread out, hips propped up on some pillows, as his hand worked hard and fast on himself up and down, up and down. Cas got distracted by that mesmerizing movement long enough to almost not notice Dean’s arched back and exposed neck, until he mewled and stopped his hand to prolong whatever wave of pleasure had just ran through his body. Then Cas looked up.  
  
He looked at Dean’s face. His eyes scrunched up; his mouth parted open in the most perfect fucking O-shape Castiel had ever seen. And his neck, God, so fucking long and pretty, just like the rest of him. He was so young and soft, so easy for Cas—who was obviously much bigger than he was—to bruise and mark... make him his.  
  
Dean suddenly choked on his own breath, throat convulsing, and that’s when Cas fucking saw it.  
  
Three fucking fingers were up Dean Winchester’s ass.  
  
 _Jesus, how is his hand not hurting right now?_ Cas wondered, but he was glad Dean seemed not to mind it because the sight was one straight out of his fantasies. His small hole looked so red Castiel thought it had got to hurt somewhat but Dean seemed to be enjoying it just fine as he pushed them further into himself, tears streaming down his face as he tried in vain to hit that special spot inside him. He so clearly just wanted to cum already.  
  
Cas realized that, _holy shit, Dean is going to come_. He couldn’t watch that. He already had a half-hard on from looking at the minor fuck himself with his hands by then, but he couldn’t allow himself to see such a private moment without getting consent first. And Cas was not about to make his presence known. He’d gone this long, he could just slip out of the house quickly, especially with Dean so... preoccupied.  
  
But of course, that didn’t happen.  
  
The moment Cas took a step back, he heard something that made him stop dead in his tracks.  
  
A loud moan poured out of Dean’s mouth but... this moan sounded like a word. Cas wasn’t sure until he heard it again, clear as ever. “Cas...”  
  
 _This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening._  
  
But it was, and now Castiel was listening as Dean panted and started spreading his fingers inside himself as he chanted a litany of his name with “harder” and “you’re so fucking big” cried throughout. Castiel had never heard anyone moan his name so much and so loud, and he wasn’t even touching Dean.  
  
Cas tried hard not to imagine what it would be like if he were touching Dean. How soft his skin would feel, how much louder he’d be, how tight his small little body would feel writhing below him, begging for more harder faster. The mental imagine alone had Castiel overcome with the need to lay his hands all over Dean, to be connected with him, and he couldn’t have that. He needed to get out of there.  
  
Castiel turned to leave, to go home and finish himself off to thoughts of non-underage boys sucking his dick instead of the tiny, pretty mouth of Dean Winchester, but it was at that moment the floor decided to come alive and let out a huge * _creak_ *.  
  
Dean immediately stopped moving, his eyes shot open and he looked to the door, where Castiel stood bug-eyed. He’d been caught. Snooping on a minor touching himself.  
  
He was so fucked.  
  
“Dean, I’m sorry. I came to get you early to get food or something but I didn’t know you were doing this. I’m so sorry, I’ll never talk to you again, it’s fine, I understand—“  
  
Cas expected Dean to be furious. Embarrassed. Awkward. Anything but _still horny._  
  
He was wrong.  
  
Dean took a look at Castiel standing there, looking at him, for a second longer, before he began to move the hand up his ass again. He started moaning again, but this time louder, much louder. “ _Stay._ ”  
  
Castiel didn’t move. He didn’t blink. He didn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure what the hell was going on anymore, but he knew he couldn’t just continue to ignore the constant thoughts he’d been having about the boy lately. The sudden mental images of them together that plagued his showers, his schoolwork, and even his time watching television. He’d barely known Dean two months and he already cared so much about him, more than physically. He was too far deep into it that… screw it.  
  
He was going to stay now.  
  
“Okay, I will.” Cas practically whispered. Dean moaned ever louder at that and started to touch his dick again. Castiel was fully hard at this point but he wasn’t about to touch himself to a 15-year-old boy, so he held his hands firmly to his side as he watched Dean pleasure himself from two different points. It was easily the hottest thing he’d ever seen and he’d been in a 3-person orgy before.  
  
“Castiel,” Dean breathed out, and Cas’ cock jumped in his pants at the sound of his name said like that. It was sinful, and much hotter than his mind had dreamed up a week ago. “Please touch me. Please please please.” He didn’t stop begging until Cas touched his shoulder. He opened his eyes and Cas was met with hooded, teary, bright green eyes, pupils dilated. It was beautiful.  
  
“I can’t touch you, Dean. I... it’s wrong.” Castiel cared for Dean, he would give him almost anything. But Cas could be arrested for this. If Dean didn’t press charges, Mary or John could. He couldn’t risk fucking his life up just for a momentary attraction to a horny boy begging him to do something they both knew was wrong, as hot as it all was.  
  
Dean didn’t press any further. “Fuck, then just talk to me then. Your voice is so fucking hot--ah!” Cas backed up as Dean suddenly arched off the bed, mouth stuck hanging open and eyes completely shut in ecstasy. He must have hit some good spot.   
  
Castiel wanted that imagine tattooed onto his eyelids, and maybe it was the sudden rush of lust he got at the sight of it, or maybe it was because he’d had a dream about this kind of moment, or maybe it was because he couldn’t help thinking about Dean everyday—whatever it was, something inside of him made him want to do what Dean asked.  
  
So he did.  
  
He just said whatever came to his mind but, Jesus, did it turn out to be dirty.  
  
“You look so good like that, Dean.” Castiel was surprised to hear himself practically purring. “Laid out on the sheets, spread open just for me. All for me to see, right baby? You wanted me to see you, didn’t you? Wanted me to come to your house and see you fucking your own fingers while shouting my name.”   
  
Dean could only pant harder in response, nodding his head in agreement, although Cas doubted Dean really ever wanted him to see this. But Dean liked it, so he continued.  
  
“Those little fingers are nothing compared to me. I’d be so much bigger, Dean. I’d make you so full. It would be so good, so tight around me. Your pretty little body mine to use.” Dean’s jerking on his cock was animalistic now. He was moaning louder than when Cas had found him, and it was becoming harder and harder for him not to reach out and help him. He found his voice again before continuing, “I’d make you cum as many times as I wanted before I even finished. And you’d let me. You’d let me use your body like a slut because that’s what you are. Look at you, displaying yourself to me and enjoying it. Such a common whore.”  
  
Dean was rolling his hips down onto his fingers at this point, screaming when it stretched him out just right and made his dick twitch with enjoyment. “Yes, daddy, I want your cock in me so bad. I bet it’s so big but I’d take it, oh god, I _want_ it.”   
  
Cas was about to fucking lose it. _This kid will be the death of me,_ he thinks. He wasn’t that big a fan of the “daddy” kink thing, but Dean definitely liked it. Cas could tell he was getting close to coming so he tried his best to help him get there. “Daddy, huh? Seems fitting, since I’m almost 6 years older than you.”  
  
Although he had been mad when reminded of their age gap at Joey’s ice cream shop, Dean suddenly seemed to have a change of heart now. He whimpered pathetically, precum leaking out of the tip of his swollen cock. He looked so good Cas wondered how he’d managed to keep his hands off of him for so long.  
  
Castiel hesitated taking things further, considering his mental no-touching rule, before saying fuck it and leaning forward, over Dean’s shoulder and pressing a little weight onto the bed. “I’m so much older than you. So much bigger.” He leaned right into Dean’s ear, whispering, “So much _stronger_.” Dean moaned quietly, too lost to even make sounds anymore that made sense. Castiel was smiling as he watched Dean began to fuck himself less vigorously as his mind clouded more and more with the need to come.  
  
“I could pin you down right now and have my way with you. Slip my achingly hard cock into that already-used hole and take what I want. I’d even mark you, rough you up a bit. And you’d love it.” Castiel bit Dean’s shoulder hard, causing Dean to yelp in surprise and pain. “Because it would show you’re _mine_.”  
  
Dean screamed, looking Cas in the eyes pleadingly. “I’m gonna cum, Castiel, I’m gonna cum.”  
  
Castiel grabbed Dean’s face roughly and forced their eyes to meet. “Then come,” he growled possessively.   
  
The response was immediate and intense.  
  
Dean opened his mouth to yell, but nothing came out. His body spasmed and he arched so far off the bed, Cas was shocked at how flexible he was. His cock jerked and long strands of white cum painted his stomach and even hit his face. Castiel watched in amazement at just how much of it there was, and was almost disgusted at his sudden urge to lick it off of him. He’d never even liked swallowing before, but there he was thinking thoughts like a real cumslut. What could he say, Dean had an effect on him.  
  
Dean was still shaking, eyes closed, as he came down from his high. Cas didn’t know what to do as he just stood there, watching the boy unfold. Should he say something? Should he leave?  
  
He looked down awkwardly and remembered he was still hard, and decided to just rub himself off while Dean was out of it. He would finish quietly and before Dean would even notice.  
  
He unzipped his pants quickly, hand tucking into his boxers to touch himself inside of them. The contact with his aching, neglected cock was instantly satisfying. He let out a soft grunt of relief, dragging his thumb over the slit and spreading precum across his otherwise dry cock. He was on his way to working himself into a rhythm when he was stopped by a hand on his wrist.  
  
“Please let me do it,” Dean said, lifting his head slightly off the bed where he laid sprawled and completely spent, and opened his mouth, offering it up to Cas. His hands were wiped off and fisted in the sheets.   
  
Cas looked at him, half out of it and half aware of what he was doing. “I’ll let you taste it, how about that? I’ll come in your mouth.”  
  
Dean’s arm flinched at his offer, and he nodded eagerly, mouth still open and tongue hanging out for Castiel to lay his leaking dick on. It was a situation Cas never pictured himself being in, but now wondered if he’d ever be able to imagine anything else.  
  
He pulled his cock above the waistband of his boxers this time, holding it upright with one hand and offering the open palm of his right hand to Dean. “Lick it,” he demanded. Dean obliged, spreading saliva across his hand.  
  
Cas reached down and began to stroke himself with that fist, slow at first but quickly building up. He didn’t have it in himself anymore for teasing foreplay, and the way Dean was moaning softly as he watched him only fueled his desire on more.  
  
“You’re so big, Castiel,” Dean whimpered. “I don’t think it would even fit in me.”  
  
So Dean was returning the dirty talk favor, huh? Two could play at that game.  
  
Cas closed his eyes and titled his head back, relishing in the release he was chasing. “Oh, you could take it. It might hurt a little but a greedy little boy like you would never turn down the offer to let a big cock use you.”  
  
Dean took a deep breath through his nose. He was starting to get hot again. “I only want yours, Cas. Just you. All of you.” He smirked at the noise Castiel made when he said he wanted all of him. “But right now I really just want you to come all over me.”  
  
Cas groaned louder, hips jerking up into his fist. “As you—ahh—wish.”  
  
Cas stepped closer to Dean, who opened his mouth excitedly. He’d been thinking about being in a situation like this with Castiel for days, ever since he’d told Cas about his inexperience with blowjobs and Cas had expressed his enjoyment of them, and now he was living it. His tongue touched the end of the older boy’s dick and then rested there as he came, the strange taste of cum coating his taste buds in a not-entirely-unpleasant way. He was so focused on catching all of it that he hardly heard the harsh panting and low growl Cas gave as he orgasmed, hand holding onto his dick as an offering to Dean’s waiting mouth.  
  
He stayed still until he was sure Cas had milked our every last drop before closing his mouth and swallowing. Swallowing wasn’t as fun or hot as he had hoped, but hey, he’d done it. Castiel seemed to like it, since he gingerly reached down to wipe at the side of Dean’s mouth where some cum had spilled out and plastered itself on his cheek. With his hand there, Dean turned and planted a soft kiss onto Cas’ fingers, rubbing his cheek against them like a happy kitten.  
  
Cas would have found his endearing kisses and silly, post-sex cuddling attempts almost adorable if he didn’t know the context of what had led to where Dean was, laying in bed, completely spent and mouth still lingering with the taste of cum. Castiel’s cum.  
  
Sadly, he couldn’t bring himself to care about the immorality of it all with his mind completely muddled from a post-orgasm haze.  
  
He tucked himself back into his boxers and flinched at the normally-soft fabric rubbing along his sensitive cock, then zipped up his pants. Dean stared up at him, clearly unsure of what was next. Cas looked back at him for a moment before saying, “Scoot over, dude.”  
  
Dean smiled at the realization Cas was going to stay with him. He grabbed one of his crumpled sheets and wiped himself off with it, discarding it with a toss somewhere in the room. He eagerly moved over, making room for Castiel on the small twin-sized bed, and when Cas was still too big to fit comfortably, they settled into a position where Dean lay under Castiel’s right arm, bare skin cuddled up into Cas’ fully-clothed side. Despite the awkward angle his arm was in—he could already feel it falling asleep—Dean was radiating heat, and Cas found it comforting. He felt his eyes getting heavy as they laid there, Dean’s head rising and falling with Cas’ breaths.  
  
“Thanks,” Dean spoke up, his soft whisper almost as loud as a gunshot after they had stayed silent for so long. He started tracing circles onto Cas’ shirt, which Cas didn’t find adorably sweet at all (he lied to himself).  
  
“What for?”  
  
Dean stopped his hand movements in a pause. “That was... my first time with a guy. Like, with a dick and everything.”  
  
Castiel tried to ignore the growing guilt in the pit of his stomach as he laughed, “Yeah, most dudes have dicks.” He tried hard not to think about the innocence he had just robbed the boy laying in his arms of. They hadn’t gone far or done much but still, it was something that would probably change his life forever. He mentally cursed himself. This was never part of Castiel’s plan, yet fate was so cruel as to lead them here: cuddling on Dean’s bed after both coming harder than either had in a long time.  
  
 _This is madness,_ thought Castiel. He had to do the right thing here and say something.  
  
“Dean...” he hesitated, not wanting to finish his sentence with every fiber of his being. This was going to be painful, and it was partially his fault that he even had to do this, which definitely didn’t make saying it any easier knowing that. “I don’t know how to word this any other way.”  
  
Dean nuzzled his head into his chest, slowly slipping into unconsciousness and half-listening to what Cas was saying. He always liked a quick nap after a good orgasm. “Hmm?” he hummed.  
  
Cas’ heart was aching. “It’s just, that was nice—“  
  
Dean giggled, “I think you mean amazing.”  
  
Cas laughed with him nervously. “Yeah, it was. But I hope you understand that it was also... a one-time thing.” There, he’d said it. And it still hurt him just as bad.  
  
“What?” Dean sat up, fully awake. He reached for one of the blankets on his bed to cover himself, suddenly feeling very exposed, more than just physically. He was hurt, confused, but most of all disappointed. All of those emotions mixed into one and came out as anger as he argued, “No, Castiel, I actually don’t understand. Maybe you could explain yourself a little bit better.”  
  
Cas loved seeing Dean smile, not on the verge of tears. He foolishly thought making light of the situation may diffuse it, so he said, “I mean, maybe just consider this a test run. You’ve only ever been out with a girl, and now you’ve tried a guy. I was just helping you understand yourself better—“  
  
That backfired majorly. Dean got even angrier this time, ears turning red as he moved further away from Cas on the bed, putting more and more distance between them. “What? You were _helping_ me? Helping me cum, sure, but then what? Now we just move on and pretend like it never happened?”  
  
Cas remained blank-faced. He had to keep a poker face to reign in his emotions. “Yes. That’s the responsible thing to do as an adult in this situation—“  
  
Dean cut him off for the third time. “Oh, fuck you. You stopped being a ‘responsible adult’ the moment you laid hands on me. Stop trying to act like you know better just because you’re older than me. I’m 15 and even I know you don’t play with someone’s feelings like you are playing with mine right now. That’s not ‘responsible’ at all.” He emphasized his words with finger quotations and a glare.  
  
Castiel felt himself being backed into a corner. It wasn’t like this wasn’t hurting him either. He just knew it was wrong and was trying to let Dean down easy. Clearly it wasn’t working, and it infuriated Cas that he couldn’t just express to Dean how figuratively fucked they would be if they actually stayed together and people found out that they _literally_ fucked. This was all bigger than just the two of them.  
  
“I know what I’m saying is hard to accept, but the truth is me and you can’t be together. At least not like _this_ for right now.” Dean rolled his eyes at that. Castiel sat himself up to be eye-to-eye with the boy, and gently touched his arm. “I still want to be with you, Dean. I want to hang out and laugh and have fun. You’re a great kid. And...” Dean was looking at him so intensely, tears brimming on the edges of his green eyes, that Cas faltered for a moment. “And you don’t know this, but you and your family have been one of the most positive things in my life in a long time.” He laughed incredulously. “Hell, I’ve only known you all for a month and a half and I’d already die for you over either of my parents if I’m being honest.”  
  
Dean didn’t seem to be listening. Either that or he didn’t care. He shoved Cas’ hand off his skinny arm as he said, “You can’t just cum in my mouth and say you want to fuck me, then turn around and act like this all meant nothing to you. I said I wanted all of you Cas, and I meant it.”  
  
“I want you too, Dean, I really do. That was probably the best orgasm I’ve had in months and you were amazing...” Cas sighed and gestured to him. “But you’re 15.”  
  
“Age is just a number! It doesn’t matter!” Dean yelled. “The way you look at me is real. Your skin against my skin is real. My _feelings_ are real.”  
  
 _He is so naive_ , Cas thought. _Doesn’t he understand there’s more to this than feelings?_  
  
“That’s exactly why we can’t be together, Dean. Because I actually care about your feelings. Because even if we could keep us a secret for a time, someone would eventually find out about us. And then we’d never be able to see each other again, either because of some kind of restraining order or because I’d be in jail! Imagine if your parents found out. They respect me, Dean, and they would hate me for this. They might even hate you for this! God knows that’s exactly how _my_ parents reacted.”  
  
Castiel had worked himself up into an almost shout. He noticed the way Dean had tensed up in fear, so he lowered his voice. “I don’t want you to have to go through that, love. I’m sorry I even came up here. I’m sorry I even got involved with you like this. You’re too young to miss out on all life has to offer just because you like me right now. You’ll find someone someday, someone who can actually be with you. So until you’re 21...” Cas struggled to say it. He didn’t want to. “We can’t be together.”  
  
Dean stared at his sheets, chest rising and falling calmly. He traced one of the fabric folds next to his left thigh. “So,” he spoke softly, “where does this leave us now?”  
  
Castiel thought about it for a moment. He didn’t want to pressure Dean into hanging out with him anymore if things were going to be uncomfortable or if he was going to be a temptation on Dean. But he loved the Winchesters and didn’t want to lose touch with them. He decided to say, “It’s completely up to you, Dean.”  
  
The boy looked him in the eyes and Cas watched as a single tear rolled down his right cheek, landing silently onto the mattress. With a voice full of emotion he said, “I think... I think we should stop seeing each other then.” He licked his lips and awkwardly looked at his hands as they intertwined in his lap. “I just don’t think I’m ready to be around you anymore. Because I’m always going to want more. I’m always going to want all of you, Castiel.”  
  
Cas tried in vain to hide his frown, but he couldn’t keep himself together anymore. He took a deep breath to reign in his sadness and reached over to wipe away another tear that fell down Dean’s cheek but he just turned his head away a little. Cas stopped his advances.  
  
“Don’t touch me,” Dean whispered. “Or I won’t want you to stop.”  
  
And just like that, there it was. A wall, built right between them.  
  
Castiel retreated his hand. He looked at Dean one last time, whose head was still turned away from him, unable to meet his eyes. He got up off the bed, feeling cold.  
  
“If that is what you want, I’m happy to oblige,” Castiel said, and he honestly meant it. He didn’t want to hurt Dean or have anyone else hurt Dean. His mom always did say love was doing what was best for those you cared about, even if it hurt you. He used to think it sounded so cheesy, but now? Now he understood the reality of it.  
  
“Thank you, Castiel,” Dean said. He didn’t move from his spot on the bed—for obvious reasons. “What will I tell my mom if we aren’t going to the game?”  
  
“Tell her I didn’t feel well.” He paused. “And that I won’t be feeling better for a long time. Maybe then she won’t be suspicious about us distancing ourselves.”  
  
Dean questioned for a moment if he was making the right choice shutting Castiel out of his life. Was this forever? Or only for a couple weeks? Days? He didn’t like the uncertainty of it. But the choice had already been made, the words already spoken.  
  
“Okay,” Dean said. “See you when I’m 21, I guess.”  
  
“Goodbye, Dean.”  
  
“Goodbye, Castiel.”  
  
Cas shut the bedroom door behind him.  
  
-  
  
A day after the bedroom incident, Cas sat alone in his house, thinking everything over.  
  
He felt he should go apologize to Dean. For leading him on, for treating him like a child and playing the “I’m the Adult” card, and for not being the bigger person and walking out and away from Dean when he saw him pleasuring himself, rather than joining him. He wanted to make things right between the two of them. Reconnect their friendship at the least. He loved the Winchester family; they were always kind to him and losing Dean meant losing them too.  
  
But Cas also felt like he didn’t deserve reconciliation. He didn’t deserve Dean’s forgiveness or his family’s indulgence in him. If Dean being around him would make Dean uncomfortable or unhappy, who was he to try and force their relationship back into place?  
  
He’d really messed up this time.  
  
Castiel decided there was only one thing left for him to do: nothing. He would wait things out, see what Dean did, and go from there. For all he knew, him and Dean would be hanging out again by the next week as though nothing had changed between them and they could actually make the friend thing work. It excited Cas that...maybe things weren’t so bad after all. That this one good thing he had in his life, the Winchesters, wasn’t lost forever.  
  
And as always, he was wrong.  
  
First it was days. Then weeks. No word whatsoever passed between him or Dean or his family. Halloween came and Cas waited all night, hoping to see Dean at his doorstep with little Sammy dressed as the devil or something, asking for candy. But neither boy showed up that night. Castiel went about the next day afterwards faking as though he wasn’t hurting immensely inside.  
  
By the time Christmas came, Castiel had lost all hope that Dean would ever talk to him again. Mary had come over one random day in November, saying she’d missed Cas and his cherry pie. He was excited to see her, but saddened at the same time. He could tell by the way she talked to him that her family didn’t know she was there, and that was when he understood: she wouldn’t be coming over again. That visit was her way of saying goodbye. She didn’t seem to know why Dean and Cas had stopped talking, but whatever Dean had told her, she believed it.  
  
While she was there she told Cas about how her sons had started attending two local schools, which was exciting for the whole family since they’d never stayed in one place long enough to actually go to a school in town. According to Mary, John had decided that he was done with his career, the constant moving towns, hurting his family life. She said she was overjoyed that her family finally had somewhere to stay and call home. Castiel said he was excited for them too, but inside, his heart was hurting oddly as he realized he’d see his neighbors everyday but not being able to talk to them like he used to.  
  
When Mary got up to leave, she hugged him for the last time, saying she hoped to see him around, then walked right out of Cas’ house. And his life.  
  
As much as he’d complained about all the constant interruption his sleep was getting from the Winchester family over the last few months, he realized a couple days after Mary’s visit just how much he missed it. He had his own group of friends—a few people he’d met at work, old school buddies—, but he didn’t go out much. His days were spent doing school work, going to his job, masturbating to twink videos (a new interest of his he desperately convinced himself had nothing to with Dean), and watching reruns of the Twilight Zone when it was on late at night. He was back to his old routine, and even though it had never bothered him before, after spending time with the Winchesters, feeling wanted and cared for, his life felt almost...empty now.  
  
By the time Christmas day came around and he only had his work colleagues to celebrate with, Castiel decided that he’d had enough. He wanted to meet people. He wanted to be less alone.  
  
He signed himself up for a real, on-campus college in town. His hope was that he’d make friends there and still finish his degree, which was only a few years away. The cost difference wasn’t that much, and Castiel had been working extra shifts with the holidays happening recently in order to be able to afford it. During that planning time, Cas got so preoccupied with his new possible future that he completely forgot about Dean Winchester for a while. He forgot about the adorable 15-year-old boy that had showed him kindness and made him laugh. Complimented him and cared for him. Brightened up his life for only a quick time. He didn’t even remember what Dean looked like anymore.  
  
That was until one day.  
  
It was mid-April, and Castiel had already been going to his new college for over 2 months at that point. Despite the short amount of time he’d been there, college was apparently a great place to meet people because he was already being invited to go places all the time by people he barely knew. It was thrilling, and also an awesome change in pace from his recent lifestyle of school, work, sleep, repeat.  
  
One of those days, after eating lunch with some friends from his psychology class, Cas was on his way home when he finally saw him: Dean. He was standing outside his car—yes, his own car; he was 16 now and it seemed he’d gotten one for his birthday, which Cas recalled was in January.  
  
Intrigued, Castiel watched as Dean stood beside his sleek black car, opening the passenger-side door to let someone out. It was the first time Cas had seen Dean since they’d spilt ways, barely 6 months ago, and somehow he had gotten even taller. He’d also gotten a new leather jacket, probably for Christmas or his birthday, Cas didn’t know or care. It was tight-fitting, super hot, and Cas found himself unable to breath for a second. But even worse, he almost wrecked his car at what he saw next.  
  
A blonde girl, petite and pretty, stepped out of Dean’s car, smiling and holding onto his hand as he offered it to her for stability as she got up. Dean smirked back at her, spinning her around by the waist after she closed the door and pinning her against it. Castiel was parked in front of his own house now, car still running because he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to move, as much as it felt weird to be watching the two of them from across the street.  
  
Dean leaned down, kissing the girl lavishly for what seemed like ages. He appeared to be really into the kiss as he deepened it, sliding his hands up the girl’s side and gripping onto her face, tongue visibly sliding with hers. The girl braced herself against the car with one of her hands, and Cas couldn’t blame her. He was getting weak just watching them...well, mostly Dean. Cas told himself he needed to go inside and stop being pervish, when suddenly Dean opened his eyes.  
  
He stared across the street, right into Cas’ car which still had the headlights on, giving away that he was in there. He groped onto the girl’s butt possessively and she separated from the kiss to let out a soft gasp, during which time Dean took the opportunity to wink at Cas. To _wink_ at him. He may as well have been holding up a neon sign that said “This is what you’re missing!” as he did it too.  
  
And Castiel had had it.  
  
He stopped the engine, opened his car door, slammed it shut, and walked over confidently to Dean, who just smirked at him. He towered over both of the kids by a couple of inches, especially the girl, who cowered away in fear as he approached. He grabbed Dean’s arm from off of her ass and pulled him against his own body roughly. Dean gasped in surprise, and Castiel took that as his chance to kiss the boy, tongue lapping against the corners of the inside of his mouth. The boy moaned loudly, drowning out the shocked squeak from the blonde girl still standing next to them, and Cas fucking relished in it.  
  
He pulled away barely an inch from Dean’s face to look him in his eyes, burning bright with desire. “You can pretend, baby, but we all know what you really want.” He slid his hands up from Dean’s waist to rest on the small of his back so he could press even closer to the boy. His boy.  
  
“Me,” he growled. And then walked away like a total savage, leaving Dean gasping for air and at a loss for words while his little girl toy stood still in shock.  
  
Or at least that’s what Castiel did in his head.  
  
In reality, the moment Dean winked at him in his car, Cas panicked. He quickly turned the engine of his car off, grabbed his extra food he’d had leftover home from lunch for dinner, and ran inside. Dean had the worst kind of effect on him, and he knew it. He just wished he could control his thoughts.  
  
After that night, the blonde girl kept coming over more and more. Castiel learned her name was “Jo” from one time he heard Dean yelling at her to hurry up and get inside when she took a little too long to get out of the car. She was there every Friday night at first, then every Saturday night, then after school on school days too. And every time she came, Dean would kiss her goodbye for an unnecessarily long amount of time at his front door. Not that Cas was watching but... well, yeah he was.  
  
The months continued on and on. Castiel turned 21, then 22. He finished school and got a full-time job working as a substitute teacher. It wasn’t much, but it was a start to his full career as a high school teacher.  
  
Dean turned 17, then 18. And with his change in age came a change in his appearance. The once tall, lanky boy grew into his limbs. His jawline became more defined, his bright eyes got even sharper—although his bow-legged walk never changed, Castiel was happy to see. But _goddamn_ did the boy turn out fine.  
  
One evening, Cas was driving home from a long day of subbing a freshman English class—who had all just yelled memes at him and laughed at how confused he got when he didn’t understand them. It was torture, but he was getting money. He tried to remind himself that this wasn’t his forever job, just a steppingstone to his full-time one.  
  
Exhausted, annoyed, and overall ready to lay down and die, Castiel pulled into his neighborhood around five pm. And who else would be mowing the lawn shirtless at that time of day other than Dean Fucking Winchester.  
  
Cas got out of his car and hoped Dean wouldn’t look at him. But of course, history tends to repeat itself, and he did notice him as he rounded one of the corners of his lawn. Cas realized he’d have to wave at him so he didn’t seem rude, as much as he didn’t want to. When Dean saw his greeting, he grinned ear-to-ear, waving back enthusiastically, the setting sun reflecting off the sweat on his well-defined chest and perfect face. It was the first time they’d interacted at all in months, maybe over a year. And Castiel was not prepared for the sudden flood of emotions he got at the minimal attention.  
  
 _God, I need to get a boyfriend_ , Castiel thought to himself as he walked into his house moments after that, still shaken and absolutely turned on. _It’s been almost 3 years and this kid still has way too much of an effect on me._  
  
And so he did. He found out from some of the other teachers at one of the schools he regularly subbed at that a blonde biology teacher there was gay, and so he decided, _Hey, he’s cute_. _May as well give it a shot_.  
  
And for once, shooting his shot actually worked out. Balthazar and Castiel hit it off almost instantly. Balthazar was funny, easy-going, and an _epic_ shag. He was exactly what Castiel needed, and they were happily together for a long time.  
  
About 6 months into their relationship, Dean left for college. Some out-of-state one that he got a wrestling scholarship for that paid completely for his tuition. Him and Jo had a tearful goodbye the day he left, which Castiel watched like it was some soap opera on TV. They hugged, Jo sobbing into his shoulder, and then Dean got into his car and drove away while she waved goodbye dramatically. Castiel told Balthazar about it later that night, after Cas had fucked him into the leather couch that his mother had given him now years ago, and the two had laughed about it and the ridiculousness of young love until they fell asleep, squished together on the couch.  
  
Castiel was actually...glad Dean had left after that. It freed up his mind from having the constant reminder of his past. Of his mistakes. Not that him being with Dean was a mistake, but the circumstances after the whole thing was, in Cas’ opinion. He felt like shit most of the time for never fixing things with Dean. He’d wanted to, but time slipped away, and especially after Dean started school and made friends and got Jo, he didn’t see a reason to try and get into Dean’s life again. He’d just make things more complicated than they had to be, so he’d stayed out of the way to protect Dean’s heart. But that didn’t make him feel any better about it most of the time.  
  
Either way, him and Balthazar were thriving. Castiel invited his boyfriend to move in with him about a year into their relationship, and Balthazar did so gladly. He was there so often already it wasn’t much of a transition. Just an additional toothbrush in the bathroom, a few extra pairs of underwear to wash, another set of pancakes to make in the morning. It was comfortable, and with Balthazar there Castiel’s house began to feel...like a home.  
  
Castiel got a full-time teaching position at the same school his boyfriend worked at, and they started paying the house payments together. They were a team. Everyone at school shipped them together, even called Balthazar “Mr. Novak” (Balthazar was always angry about that because “How can they tell that I’m the bottom! How do they know? Do I look like a fucking bottom to you?”). Cas and his boy were happy, and Dean was out of the picture. Completely, for once.  
  
Until one night.  
  
One stupid fucking night.  
  
Castiel had a dream. But not just a normal dream; the horny kind that leaves you hard when you’re awake, and makes you say stuff out loud when you’re asleep. He didn’t have those very much anymore because he was always sexually fulfilled by Balthazar, who was usually _very_ eager to ride him or suck him off if he asked nicely enough. But this day was different for some reason, and Castiel dreamt about fucking someone. Not just anyone though.  
  
His dream was about Dean Winchester.  
  
In his head, the boy wasn’t 15 anymore. He was 18, which was the last age Cas had seen him at over a year ago when he left for college. Castiel couldn’t tower over him like before, but he was still stronger. He could still overpower him. And in the dream he was using that to his advantage as he held the other boy’s arms over his head and fucked into him roughly while he lay spread out on his back. His moans echoed in Cas’ head, spurring him to go faster and deeper, slapping his thighs against Dean’s ass with every thrust.  
  
“Let me hear you, baby,” Cas heard himself say. “I love it when you’re loud like that.”  
  
Dean yelled out as Cas pistoled his hips even more, driving right against that special spot. “Fuck, Castiel! Ah, so good. So fucking good yes yes yes _yes_.” He chanted a string of curse words as his head fell back and his eyes went wide. Castiel grinned and looked down where Dean’s hole was hungrily gripping onto his dick. He wasn’t going to last much longer with how surprisingly tight Dean was, so he reached one of his hands down and started pumping his partner’s dick as he fucked into him over and over.  
  
Dean was whimpering, small “uh uh uh”s cascading from his lips as he drew closer to release. “Please fill me,” Dean begged. “I wanna feel it in me, Castiel. I want to feel it for days.”  
  
Castiel was close but he wanted to finish after Dean. He wanted to see him come undone impaled on his cock. “You first,” he chuckled through pants of exertion. “Cum for me, Dean.”  
  
And so Dean did, back arching and hands flexing in Castiel’s grip, trying to break free. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck so good Jesus Christ, it’s so good!” He yelled incoherently as he came. His body clenched up and the sight of Dean’s orgasm along with the delicious tightness surrounding Castiel’s cock sent him over the edge with his partner, his sight going away temporarily until all he saw was hot white stars. He heard Dean chanting out “Castiel, castiel, castiel—“ until suddenly the words became muffled, and then he realized it wasn’t Dean’s voice anymore.  
  
The white in his eyes faded away and he found himself lying in bed looking up at Balthazar, who was shaking him awake with a concerned expression. “Castiel! Castiel, wake up, baby.”  
  
Castiel shook his head groggily, momentarily unaware of where he was. Then he felt a stickiness in his pants and realized...he’d came in his sleep. From a wet dream with his old neighbor he hadn’t seen in over a year. _What the fuck is happening to me?_  
  
“Baby,” Balthazar was saying as he stroked Cas’ face lovingly, “are you OK?”  
  
Castiel looked up with furrowed brows into the eyes of his boyfriend. “Y-yes?”  
  
Balthazar laughed and flopped back down onto his pillow. He turned to lay on his side, facing Castiel. “I guess that was a dumb question. Of course you’re good, you were having quite a sexy dream.” Castiel looked confused as to how he knew until he said, “You were being pretty vocal out here in the real world, honey. You actually woke me up.”  
  
Cas blushed furiously. What had he said?  
  
“So tell me,” Balthazar raised his eyebrows suggestively, “was it about me? You seemed to be enjoying yourself in it so I figured it had to be featuring your loving boyfriend in there.” Castiel didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent. Balthazar took his silence as shyness and flicked him on the shoulder playfully. “What were we doing? Was I riding you? I know how much you love that.” He started trailing his hand up and down Cas’ covered chest, attempting to stir him up again. Normally it would work, but Cas was uneasy after the dream. Also, guilty.  
  
“Well, no—“  
  
“Oh, so you were pounding me from behind then.” He bit his lip. “Good choice, Castiel.”  
  
“No, Balthazar, it wasn’t—“  
  
“Well, then were you rimming me?” Balthazar glided his hand to the band of his lover’s sweatpants, ready to reach in and grab his prize, unaware that Cas was well spent already from his dream. “I didn’t think you’d be so turned on by—“  
  
Castiel grabbed his boyfriend’s wrist before it could go any farther, freaking out. “No!” he exclaimed. He sat up quickly and turned around, feet hitting the floor off his side of the bed, but he didn’t go anywhere. He didn’t mean to be so loud but his emotions were all over the place. Why was he having dreams about Dean now of all times? And how was he supposed to tell Balthazar why he wasn’t in the mood without sounding hateful? The only option was to be truthful.

“It wasn’t any of those things in the dream. And...it wasn’t you.”  
  
Now Balthazar sat up too. “What?”  
  
Castiel rubbed his face, tired and sad. “I’m sorry...” he trailed off.  
  
“Who the hell was it then?” Balthazar demanded. If there was one thing Castiel knew about his boyfriend, it was that he had a quick temper. He was hot one minute and cold the next. It wasn’t usually a big deal to Cas, but right now Balthazar’s harsh tone stung like knives in his gut.  
  
Castiel didn’t say anything again for a second. How was he going to word this and not come off as a horrible person? “It was someone from my past, OK. I don’t know why he popped up in my mind today, but he just did, I don’t have any control over my brain. Please, I’m sorry, it was an accident.”  
  
Balthazar was quiet. Cas perked his ears up at a soft grunt he gave moments later.  
  
“It was Dean wasn’t it,” he said. Like it wasn’t a question.  
  
Castiel’s heart stopped. “How...”  
  
“You were saying ‘Dean’ in your sleep. I thought maybe I’d misheard you since I was half awake...I thought maybe you were just speaking gibberish. But now I realize it was a name you were saying. Over and over and over again, you were saying another guy’s name.”  
  
Castiel spun around on the bed, terrified of losing Balthazar. “It was a long time ago, love. I swear, I haven’t even seen this boy in over a year, I don’t know what made me think of him tonight when I honestly haven’t thought about him in months—“  
  
“Wait,” Balthazar interrupted. “You haven’t seen him in over a year? Are you...the Dean you’re talking about. Is it Dean _Winchester_? The boy that lived next door to you since he was like 15?”  
  
Castiel was silent.  
  
“Oh my god,” Balthazar scoffed. “It _was_ him! What do you mean ‘he’s in your past?’ You have a past with him?”  
  
Castiel was stammering, opening and closing his mouth trying to find the right words to explain. “I was—he would always—“  
  
His boyfriend wouldn’t let him finish. “He was barely 18 when I moved in! That means whatever ‘past’ you had with him would’ve been when he was _underage_?” Balthazar’s face was twisted in disgust. He was looking at Cas like he didn’t know him, like he didn’t want to touch him. Like he was repulsed.  
  
“I can explain.”  
  
“I’d like to hear you try.”  
  
Castiel was stuck. He could explain things, but they’d still be morally wrong. He’d tried in the past to make sure Dean didn’t have to go through this, and now, almost 5 years later, his one-time affair with the boy was coming back to haunt him. He could lie, but he didn’t know how he could. His boyfriend had _heard_ him saying Dean’s name. He knew. And he definitely wouldn’t believe him if he lied and said he was thinking of another Dean. Cas had told him about every guy he’d ever been with pretty much, and never once had he mentioned a Dean. A Michael, a Joshua, even a Meg. But never a Dean.  
  
Castiel remained silent once again.  
  
“Huh,” Balthazar laughed, but it wasn’t humorous. It was out of shock. “So, you had sexual relations with this Dean kid at some point and time. At which point you had to be above 18 years old, and he was below 16. If my math is correct, you were 19 and he was 15?”  
  
Castiel averted his eyes. “I was 20...”  
  
“Oh! Even better!” Balthazar said sarcastically. He was amazed he was even hearing any of this. “So you were 20 and he was 15, and you what? Did he touch you, huh? Did you touch him? Did you _fuck_ him, Castiel?”  
  
Castiel lashed out, slamming his hand on the bed. “Christ, no! He was only a boy!”  
  
“Exactly, Castiel!” Balthazar yelled. “God, what did you do to him? Did he even _want_ you to touch him?”  
  
“Yes!” Cas exclaimed. “I didn’t molest him, what the fuck, Balthazar. Why would you even think that?”  
  
Balthazar shook his head sadly. “I honestly don’t know what to think right now. I’ve just learned that my boyfriend once messed around with our fucking teenage neighbor and is suddenly having sex dreams about him again while sleeping next to _me_!”  
  
“It was one time!” Castiel was running out of excuses. He could feel the coldness coming off his partner in waves, chilling him with his eyes. “And we never spoke again after it happened. I felt so guilty I told him we needed space. And I barely touched him, he was the one begging for it—“  
  
“He was begging for it, you say?” Balthazar’s expression showed how disgusted he was with Castiel now. “I bet that really turned you on, huh, babe. A little boy asking you to ‘Please touch me, Castiel! Make me cum, Castiel!’ Ugh, I just got the chills thinking about it.”  
  
“No, it wasn’t...it wasn’t like that.” Castiel wanted to cry. He felt horrible. He felt dirty. “He didn’t say those things. It was so long ago I don’t even remember all that happened honestly.”  
  
Balthazar closed his eyes and pinched the edge of his nose in frustration. He was having trouble processing all that was happening. Was his boyfriend a pedophile? Was he lying that Dean had wanted it? What if Castiel had...no, he couldn’t think like that. Castiel was a good person, despite this revelation. He just needed time to fucking _think_ about things for a moment.  
  
“I’m going to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night.”  
  
Castiel didn’t argue.  
  
Balthazar climbed out of bed, feet hitting the cold floor, and took his pillow with him. Castiel watched as his boyfriend left their room. “I love you,” he called after him.  
  
There was no response.  
  
-  
  
The next morning Cas woke up early. He’d already had a restless night after Balthazar had left him for the couch, so getting himself up wasn’t very difficult.  
  
He walked into the living room to greet his boyfriend. His hope was that whatever mood Castiel’s dream had put Balthazar in was over, and Castiel could explain himself better. He’d had all night to mull over a good response to make things clear, and although it wasn’t the best, it was the least incriminating. Balthazar seemed to have some horrible idea that Cas had done things with Dean against his will, which was the furthest thing from the truth. Doesn’t make what they did together anymore legally right, but Cas thought it may ease his confusion and fears. Balthazar and Cas had been through so much shit, this little incident in Castiel’s past wasn’t enough to end them.  
  
All those hopes of talking things over shattered the instant he walked into the living room, expecting to see his sleeping blonde partner only to be greeted with an empty couch.  
  
“Balthazar?” Castiel yelled out for him. “Baby, are you still here?”  
  
Silence.  
  
“What the fuck,” Cas mumbled, walking into the kitchen to see if he’d left a note or anything. He was at least pleased a little bit to see a folded white paper sheet laying on top of the counter next to a glass of orange juice and pieces of toast. Castiel smiled softly. Maybe Balthazar wasn’t as mad as he’d thought.  
  
He picked up the paper and unfolded it. He saw his name written in Balthazar’s crooked lettering at the top, and he scanned the rest.  
  
 _Castiel,  
  
What you told me last night was completely unexpected. I’m sorry to leave without telling you, but I just couldn’t confront you today. I need some time to myself, to think things over. My college friend Crowley—yeah, the one you never liked, I know—said I was welcome to spend a few days at his house so...that’s kind of what I plan on doing. Just a few days, then I’ll be back in your arms and you can kiss me or punch me, I don’t care. The truth is I don’t trust myself around you right now; since my temper is so uncontrollable, I’m sure I’ll say something hurtful to you and ruin everything we’ve built together if I’m there with you. I love you, Cas. Feel free to call me anytime you need me, I’m not hiding from you. See you soon, babe!  
  
Love, Balthazar_  
  
Cas read over the letter like 3 times before he could take it all in. He wasn’t sure to sigh in relief or cry because he’d basically scared Balthazar away. His best friend. What was he supposed to do for these next few days? Would Balthazar even want to come back to him? What had this one stupid dream done to them?  
  
That night he opened his phone to call his boyfriend, hear his voice. But it was too early for that, he thought. Balthazar had barely been gone a day and he was already desperate, wanting to just beg the man to come home already. Twilight Zone marathons weren’t as fun alone as he remembered them being only a few years ago. Neither was cuddling up to a pillow instead of another warm, breathing human being. His heart ached when he realized this was what life with Balthazar forever would be like. Lonely. Quiet. Lacking in laughter or kisses or love.  
  
Two days after Balthazar had gone, the weekend was over, and Castiel saw him at work. It was like the light at the end of a dark tunnel when he saw his boyfriend’s tussled blonde hair walking down the school hallway to his classroom. He yelled out his name, making the man turn around. Balthazar smiled at him as he approached, which Cas took as a good sign, and then Cas engulfed him a giant hug, afraid to let go.  
  
“Come home,” he breathed into Balthazar’s neck, head buried into it. “Please.”  
  
His boyfriend chuckled and rubbed his back, “Soon, Cas.”  
  
But soon couldn’t come soon enough. They waved goodbye to each other at the end of the school day and headed separate ways, Balthazar getting into his car and driving to Crowley’s and Castiel getting into his own and heading home. Castiel hadn’t experienced that since they’d still been single and were just flirting. It was a strange feeling.   
  
After an entire week of Balthazar‘s absence, Castiel expected he’d come back. He’d knock on the door, pull Cas into a long kiss, and be there to stay. Cas wasn’t used to people staying. This was something he needed.  
  
So one could imagine the heartbreak Castiel felt when Balthazar called him Saturday night, in tears, and said that they couldn’t be together anymore.  
  
“What?” Castiel asked him in response, incredulous. “Why not? Are you OK? Why are you crying?”  
  
“Cas, I just can’t,” Balthazar whimpered. “I tried to get over the whole Dean thing but I can’t. It’s too disturbing for me to even wrap my head around how you could ever—“ He broke off with a silent sob.  
  
“Baby, what’s going on, you’re hysterical. Let me come get you, we can talk in person.”  
  
“No!” Balthazar yelled, making Cas jump on the other side of the phone. “I can...I can say it on here.”  
  
Castiel listened as his boy tried to collect himself on the other end. He was scared. Balthazar wasn’t usually like this, so something had to be terribly wrong. Castiel felt like he’d done worse things than this whole Dean situation before, and Balthazar had still stayed with him. What had him so torn up now? Was there something he didn’t know?  
  
“There’s something you don’t know,” Balthazar finally spoke up. Cas’ heart dropped. “I never told you this because it was too personal, too scary to ever say out loud. I buried it so deep that it didn’t hurt anymore and forgot about it the best I could. Because if I say it, it’s real again. It’s still real.”  
  
Balthazar sounded so broken Cas’ hand was twitching with the need to hold him, hold together his broken boy. “Baby, what was so bad you couldn’t even tell me? I’m your safe place, remember? I won’t judge. God knows and you know I’ve got my own many sins to account for.”  
  
Balthazar sighed and then was quiet for a moment. Cas pulled his phone away from his face to see if he’d hung up. When he saw that he hadn’t, he put it back up to his ear, and right before he could say “Hello?”, Balthazar spoke up in barely a whisper across the phone line, “My brother. My brother used to, um...when I was younger he would sometimes make me do things that—shit, I don’t think I can say it.”  
  
He didn’t need to. Castiel understood. And that’s when his own tears started flowing freely. “Balthazar, you don’t have to say it. I understand. I’m so sorry, don’t say it, please.”  
  
They were both crying over the phone by then, Castiel absolutely destroyed that someone he loved so much had been hurt by someone who was supposed to care for him, and even worse, Cas never could have done anything to save him. He was helpless when it came to rescuing Balthazar from his own past.  
  
Cas could never imagine doing...those kind of things to Gabriel. His own little brother, the kid he was supposed to guide, help in life, _protect_. What sick monster of a human could even think of doing that evil shit?  
  
Balthazar sniffed and said, “Castiel, I know that wasn’t what you were like. I know that’s not you. You’ve told me all about Gabe and how awesome he was. And you were an awesome brother.” Castiel closed his eyes and rubbed them to stop the tears that didn’t seem to end. “And I know Dean isn’t Gabe. And Dean isn’t me. But—but I just can’t see past that. I can’t help but see _me_ in every 15-year-old boy that is touched like how you and Dean supposedly touched at one point. So young and innocent...not realizing what they’re doing.  
  
My brain is fucked up, Castiel. I want to ignore that sick feeling in my stomach that I get when I think about you doing stuff with him, but it doesn’t stop. It doesn’t go away. Every time I see you, or hear your voice, I keep thinking of my brother and what he did. You’re not him, I shouldn’t even make that kind of connection, but it’s impossible to shut the thoughts out. Please forgive me, Castiel. Please, I’m really sorry. I am.”  
  
Balthazar was rambling. He’d just confessed something huge to Castiel, something that should not have come out to him like this. And now Balthazar was _scared_ of Cas. Scared of him. Castiel had never felt worse in his entire life, not when he’d got his heart broken by his first boyfriend at 17, not when his parents disowned him after Gabe’s death. The only thing comparable to the agony his heart was experiencing at the moment was when he learned that his little brother had died right outside of their house, outside of his protection.  
  
Castiel had unintentionally hurt the man he was in love with. And now the best thing that had ever happened to him was telling him he didn’t want anything to do with Cas.  
  
“Don’t apologize,” Cas said to Balthazar, honestly. “I deserve this. What I did back then? It was immoral. It was wrong. I knew it and I still indulged in it. I love you, Balthazar. I always will, which is why I also want you to be happy. If that means being away from me, then do it. I promise I won’t follow.”  
  
“Baby, you’re not a bad person.” Balthazar was slightly frantic. He loved Cas too, more than anything, and this confession was killing him. “Please, don’t hate yourself because of me. I just needed you to know the reason I have to break things off. For now. This might not be permanent, we could still get together again in a couple months, I don’t know. I know you understand, you’re always so good to me, Cas.”  
  
Cas had stopped crying at this point. This whole back-and-forth they were having sounded familiar. It was the same one him and Dean had had 5 years ago, the last time they’d ever spoke to each other. Both had given the other empty promises—of friendship, of reconciliation, of a future. Castiel’s heart cracked a little bit more when he realized...him and Balthazar were never getting back together.  
  
“I understand,” he said to a sniffling Balthazar. “But you’re not the first person to say that to me. The whole, ‘We’ll get back together soon, I just need time’ speech.”  
  
Balthazar sounded confused. “Oh, and what happened to them?”  
  
Castiel sighed. “We never spoke again.”  
  
Balthazar was quiet.  
  
“If that happens to us too, Balthazar, I want you to know I’m sorry and that I love you. Thanks for being a part of my life.” He felt tears prick at the inside of his eyes again. “I’ll see you Monday at work, I guess.”  
  
Balthazar didn’t say anything still, so Castiel waited a few seconds before hanging up.  
  
-  
  
Life without Balthazar turned out to be a lot easier than expected.  
  
Well, not from the start. The first few nights were torture; hours spent wondering if he could have done things differently, wishing he could go back and smack himself awake from that “Dean Dream” as he was calling it now. Maybe if he’d done that Balthazar would have stayed with him. Not only that, but he wouldn’t be disgusted or afraid of him.  
  
About a month after the phone call, Balthazar had not only moved out of Cas’ house, he’d also switched to teaching at a different school. In his defense, the school had offered him the job without him even applying, and it was a private school, so they paid better than the public school that they both had been working at since they met. Balthazar even promised Castiel that with his new job he would help to pay for the next 2 months’ house payments, and then told Castiel he’d be on his own. Castiel was still grateful for the support, since his now-ex boyfriend’s move had been so abrupt that he hadn’t even had remotely any time to prepare, especially financially.  
  
The last day Balthazar worked with Cas before heading to his new school was the Wednesday before the start of Christmas break, and it was nice. The teachers all had a staff party after the school day was over, and Cas was pretty sure about halfway through the party that someone must have spiked the eggnog they all were drinking. His head felt a little fuzzy, and every time he accidentally grazed Balthazar on his way to the snack table his arm felt warm for seconds afterwards, like a phantom touch. Him and the other staff all loudly sang Christmas carols, told stories about embarrassing failed Christmas gifts they’d given their family members over the years, and talked about where everyone was going to spend the holidays.  
  
When that topic came around, both Balthazar and Castiel glanced at each other awkwardly from different sides of the room, realizing this would be their first Christmas apart in 2 years. They’d both be alone for Christmas—Castiel definitely not going over to his family’s and Balthazar’s whole family living an entire continent away. Cas wondered to himself if maybe Balthazar would visit them this year, since he didn’t have Cas holding him back anymore. That thought stung.  
  
After the party was coming to a close, some of the teachers already left with other, more-sober partners to drive them home, Balthazar approached Castiel. He wished him a merry Christmas with a bear hug, to which Cas smiled softly and wished him the same. Cas thought that was going to be all; one last hug and a “Merry Christmas,” and then Balthazar would be gone for good. But then Balthazar was leaning in, way too close to Cas’ face to be just another hug, and next thing he knew he was kissing him. It was light, barely even there, before Cas stepped forward and made it deeper. They pulled apart after a breathless second, leaving the brunette confused as hell.  
  
Balthazar grinned cheekily and pointed up, “Sorry, I had to. Mistletoe.”  
  
Cas glanced up and bit his lip. Sure enough, there it was. “Dickhead,” he chuckled.  
  
After that they truly wished each other goodbye, Castiel still touching his lips gingerly as they tingled, as though trying to plant the memory of how it felt on them forever. It was the last time Castiel ever kissed Balthazar, or saw him, again.  
  
Christmas passed and New Year’s Eve came, bringing with it hope for Castiel. Everyone does New Year’s Resolutions, and Cas figured he’d of course have to make one. Something good. Something he could actually promise to himself, and then keep that promise. He reflected on the past year—mostly just the past couple of months—and finally came up with his decision on what it was going to be.  
  
He decided that that year was going to be his “single” year. The year he didn’t worry about men, or love, or relationships outside of friendship. He needed to focus on how to get a better job like Balthazar, especially since his income would be from a one-person source pretty soon. He needed to spend more time with friends since him and Balthazar had been basically doing everything together for the last 2 years. And he needed to get to know _himself_ better since he’d been shaping himself into the man Balthazar wanted him to be for so long he almost forgot what it meant to be Castiel Novak.  
  
When the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Day, Castiel raised a glass filled with sparkling grape juice—an old family tradition—up to his pleasantly-empty house and toasted himself, saying, “To being single!” He gulped it down in one giant sip and made a bubbling laugh, feeling free and giddy. Nothing could stop him now, he thought.  
  
That was, until a little less than a month later and the completely unexpected happened.  
  
-  
  
Castiel was startled away from making his English Language lesson plan on the couch by a knock at his door.  
  
 _Who is at my house at 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday?_ he wondered to himself, slightly annoyed. He got up to open the door and tell whatever salesman it was to go away, he was busy. Christmas break had been over for almost 4 weeks now, and Castiel was neck-deep in new lesson plans he had to write up. He was struggling to pick the next book his class should read, and the stress was enough to make him have reoccurring headaches almost every afternoon at exactly six pm, like clockwork.   
  
He hoped he didn’t look as gross as he felt as he dragged his sweatpant-clad legs over to the front door and opened it. “Hi, I’m sorry but I don’t want whatever you’re sell—"  
  
Cas stopped.  
  
“Hi, Castiel,” the person standing on his front porch said with a smirk. The _smirk_. Castiel had forgotten how hot that smirk was.  
  
“D-Dean?”  
  
Dean winked at him, hands held up as though showing himself off. “In the flesh.”  
  
He must be dreaming. Dean Dream 2.0 or something. No way was Dean Winchester standing on his front porch right now, clad in a classic black leather jacket, sinfully skinny blue jeans, and over two years after he’d gone off to college.  
  
Castiel realized with a slight swoon that Dean was taller than him now. It was just barely an inch or two, but it was a huge difference than the old four inches Castiel had on younger Dean.  
  
And the _stubble_ he had, littering his sharp-as-ever jawline. Balthazar had refused to keep his beard for more than a week before he‘d feel compelled to shave it all off, despite Cas’ multiple protests. He loved the feel of facial hair. Of a _man_.  
  
“What are you...what’s going on?” Castiel was so far in disbelief he wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to sound rude but his confusion was clouding out all formal manners he had in him.  
  
As though a sudden gust of wind blew through his mind and cleared it out, he realized he should probably invite Dean in. So he did.  
  
“I’d love to,” Dean said. His voice was so deep now. Not as deep as Cas’ but definitely hotter. But then again who thinks their own voice is hot. “I see it hasn’t changed much in here,” Dean tried to converse nonchalantly.  
  
Castiel laughed anxiously, swiping up his teaching supplies from the old leather couch where he’d been working on it moments ago. Back before Castiel’s whole world had been flipped upside down by the presence of one very random, beautiful man.  
  
“Yeah, it didn’t look like this a few months ago. I actually recently had someone move out.” Should he tell Dean all of this so early? Like, _Hey, I just got out of a relationship, so feel free to hit me up?_ Yeah, probably too early.  
  
Castiel mentally smacked himself. He was 26 for crying out loud. He was acting like a teenager whose crush just showed up on their doorstep with flowers and chocolates or something. This was just Dean. Scrawny, horny little Dean. He may be taller and hotter and sexy now, but he was still that boy inside. Castiel told himself he just needed to act natural and not let his conflicted feelings get the best of him.  
  
“Oh, a partner?” Dean asked. He stood tall and confident in Cas’ tiny living room, hands stuffed in his pockets. His eyes raked over everything in the house he could see, including—Cas noticed—, him. “Didn’t know you were with someone.”  
  
Castiel placed the supplies back into his school bag and then rubbed the back of his neck, a good three feet away from his guest to reduce the temptation to wrap his arms around Dean and properly hug his old neighbor. God knows what that would do to either of them. “Well, it’s over now. He was a close friend and I still love him very much. We ended on relatively good terms.”  
  
Dean nodded in response and then clasped Cas on the shoulder. “I’m glad to hear that.”  
  
Castiel shivered noticeably at how strong Dean’s hand was now. How big. His heart sunk when he saw the smirk grow on Dean’s face afterwards. He’d definitely felt his reaction.  
  
Horrified at his own body’s betrayal, Cas moved away from him in an effort to hide his red cheeks, and Dean’s hand dropped limply by his side. “So,” he spoke as casually as possible as he walked towards the leather couch to take a seat, “what brings you back here? How has college been? Did you know it’s been almost three years since—oof!”  
  
Suddenly and in a flash Castiel was pushed up against a wall, body pressed flush against its surface and the front of Dean‘s long torso. The force of his impact made the family picture with Gabe next to his head shake violently, as though about to fall. Surprisingly, that was the last thing on Cas’ mind as he quickly came to his senses and felt just how close he was to Dean.  
  
Dean was looking into his eyes, mouth slightly open and breath hitting Castiel’s mouth, warm and minty like he’d just chewed some gum. Cas’ palms were sweating from being nervous. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Dean away or see where this was going.  
  
“Enough with the formalities,” Dean said softly, hands holding tight to Cas’ hips, squeezing them gently but not touching his skin under the shirt yet. The heat from his fingers still burned deep into Cas’ flesh and lit his imagination up in multiple ways. “Guess what today is.”  
  
“Um,” Cas sincerely struggled, “Saturday?”  
  
Dean grinned, and the spark in his eyes momentarily reminded Castiel of younger Dean. His heart started to speed up.  
  
“True, but no.” Dean pushed impossibly closer to Cas and whispered into his ear in a sing-song voice, “It’s my _birthday_.” Cas still didn’t seem to understand so he scoffed and added, “I’m officially 21.”  
  
And then it hit him.  
  
As though someone had pressed rewind in his memory, Castiel perfectly recalled the third worst day of his life: the last day he’d spoke to Dean.  
  
Right after Cas had caught the boy with three fingers up his ass and they’d gotten off together, Castiel had told the 15-year-old that they couldn’t be together. At least, not until Dean was 21. It had been a mostly offhand comment, but it seemed like Dean had taken it quite literally. And now it was January 29th. And Dean was 21.  
  
And he had been waiting for Castiel.  
  
“Oh,” is all Cas managed to say.  
  
The man pressed against him lowered his hands to the small of Cas’ back, right over the curve of his ass, and applied pressure into it, pushing the fabric of his skinny jeans against Cas’ front. “You don’t have an excuse now,” he whispered, lips hovering right over what he wanted most. “I’m ready for my grown-up kiss, Castiel.”  
  
Silence followed. Castiel wasn’t sure what to do. He was still completely shocked that Dean had really waited almost 6 years to come back and offer himself to Cas. Was that a good thing? Was the relationship that they had even slightly healthy?  
  
Probably not, but he had the hot piece of ass that was Dean Winchester standing right in front of him— _really_ close in front of him. And he didn’t look like the young teen Cas adored and thought was cute back when he himself was almost 21. Dean was a grown adult. All 6 feet and 2 inches of soft, tan skin. And now that he was this close, Castiel could see the freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks. _Did he always have those?_ Cas doesn’t remember those little marks being there before, and somehow they made him a hundred times more beautiful.  
  
Cas realized he’d been ogling Dean for like four seconds straight at that point, so he spoke up. “Is that really the reason you came back to town? To sleep with me?”  
  
The comment came out a little harsh. Dean immediately backed away a couple of inches from Cas, thinking he wasn’t into it. “Shit, Cas, if you don’t want me anymore I get it. I just...fuck, I don’t know. I just assumed you’d still—“  
  
Castiel laughed and grabbed the collars of Dean’s leather jacket, startling the man into silence. “You’ve got it wrong, Dean.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Castiel chuckled again and then pulled roughly on Dean’s jacket, quickly spinning them around and pinning the taller man against the wall, reversing their positions. Dean’s green eyes went wide in shock, possibly even fear. Cas relished in it. If this is what the 21-year-old wanted, then Castiel was going to give him his all. His heart pounded against his chest in excitement, and he wondered if Dean could feel it as he pressed against him and said lowly, “Just remember when you’re getting fucked so hard you can’t see straight, that you _asked_ for this.”

What followed next felt like it was played out in slow motion.

Dean stared, wide-eyed, into the blue oceans of Castiel’s eyes, before glancing down at his lips. He licked his own subconsciously. Cas took this gesture as an invitation.

Which he gladly accepted.

The moment their lips met it was instant fire. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation from either of them, just pure lust and frustration and love. All the years of wanting for each other, making the other jealous, and the feelings of guilt flowed together into a breathless kiss. Castiel thought his legs might just give out and suddenly wished he was the one still pressed up against the wall for some support.

Dean’s moan brought them both back to reality. “Castiel, I’ve missed you.”

Castiel felt so many emotions at once he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “I’ve missed you too, Dean.” He cupped the boy’s face and rubbed his thumb along the stubble of his jaw, hoping that the simple display of affection could somehow make-up for all the regret he felt. “I’m sorry for never talking to you again. I thought I was doing the right thing back then but now I don’t—”

Dean shut him up with a quick kiss. “We can talk about that later, OK? Right now, I want to cash in on my new birthday present.” He smirked, pressing his crotch against Cas’ which was starting to show in his loose sweatpants. Cas went silent for a moment, wondering if it was the right thing to ignore emotions in a situation like this, before deciding _Fuck it_ , and going back in for another scorching kiss.

They both weren’t in the mood to take it slow. Six years was enough time to think about what they wanted to do to each other; now was the time to act.

Dean’s lips were even hotter than Castiel imagined. So soft and plump, a perfect contrast with the stubble on his face. Cas let his hands wander up Dean’s shirt, and he shuddered at the feel of his bare skin. _When did Winchester get fucking washboard abs, Jesus Christ,_ he thought.

Dean was panting heavily already, his hot breath blowing onto the top of Cas’ head as he descended lower and began lavishing kisses all over the younger boy’s neck while continuing to pet his stomach.

“I’ve been working out,” he commented.

“I can tell,” Cas mumbled into his neck. He licked a long stripe up to his ear before whispering softly, “And I like it.”

Dean sighed with pure want. He was tired of Cas being a teasing little fuck. He was ready for _action_.

He grabbed a handful of Cas’ hair and gently yanked his head away from his neck. “You think I drove all the way down here just for you to kiss my neck?” He laughed. Castiel bit his lip.

“Did you have something else in mind for me to be doing with my mouth?” he asked as he carefully started unzipping Dean’s jeans. His heart was racing at the thought of getting to see that dick again, bigger and better than before. Like the rest of him.

“I do, actually,” Dean said. He let go of Cas’ hair and undid the button of his jeans, releasing the large tent in his boxer briefs. Castiel felt his mouth water at the sight of it. Literally. That had never happened before.

Cas dropped down on his knees, eager to see what the boy had to offer. He teasingly palmed his dick through the boxers, getting a feel for it as well as receiving a harsh intake of breath from Dean. He pretended like he didn’t enjoy hearing that as much as he did.

“Do you need me to pull it out for you?” Dean joked as a way to maintain composure. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.” He was already fully hard and Cas had barely touched him. It was almost embarrassing. Almost.

Cas grinned. He was enjoying torturing Dean for a little while, because he knew as soon as he gave in he wouldn’t be able to stop. He probably would never want to.

That made him think: was this a one-time thing? Would Dean go back to never talking to him again after all this? Castiel wasn’t sure he could handle Dean walking out of his life twice, especially since his major heartbreak with Balthazar. _Fuck_ , he couldn’t think about his ex-lover right now.

“Cas?” Dean’s voice brought him back to the present. “You good?”

Castiel rationalized that, even if this were a one-time thing, it could bring closure to this part of his life. A part that had haunted him and left him restless and feeling despised. Dean was doing him a favor. He could finally move on.

“I’m good” he replied finally. “It’s just…I’ve been waiting for this for so long I’m scared I’m not going to do it right, honestly.”

Dean gripped onto Cas’ hair again, making the older man look up at him forcefully. “You could _never_ mess this up, Castiel. I’ve been waiting for this just as long as you, and I’ve decided you could bite my dick off and I still would like it better than you never touching me at all.” Cas blushed, feeling pretty much the same way. “But I’d rather you not do the biting thing.”

Castiel laughed. He felt better about the whole situation now, and slightly more confident in where he and Dean stood.

It was time to continue.

Castiel grabbed the waistband of Dean’s briefs with both hands and carefully pulled down, releasing his cock. His hard-on had gone down a little with all of Cas’ hesitating, but as soon as Cas placed a tentative hand on it, it started to swell up again.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Dean breathed out, looking down at Cas with affection and _want_.

“I haven’t done anything yet,” Castiel laughed slightly as he began slowly touching Dean’s dick. It felt amazing in his hand, and he could only imagine how good it would feel in his mouth.

Dean hissed at the beautiful friction of Cas’ hand on his cock. “Well then maybe you should fucking do something.”

Castiel grinned and immediately took the head of the boy’s cock into his mouth. Dean audibly shuddered, body relaxing and head lolling back in ecstasy. Cas worked his mouth father down, making sure to use his tongue to rub on all sides of his dick as he went.

Dean was sputtering his hips up, trying to get his dick further into Cas’ warm, wet mouth and feel more of his lapping tongue. Cas’ age and experience with men showed as he took it with ease, bobbing his head somehow at the perfect pace to have Dean’s toes curling in his shoes. He blushed at a sudden thought that occurred to him: _Cas is better than Jo ever was_.

Suddenly, as if he’d read his mind, Castiel took all of him into his mouth, making himself gag and choke for a few seconds.

“Fuck!” Dean yelled out. “Jesus, Cas, your throat feels so good.”

Cas hummed in appreciation. Dean was slightly bigger than Balthazar, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Not by far. He pulled back for a second before quickly deep throating him again, hoping to get one of those beautiful moans out of his shaking lover again.

He was rewarded with a choked sigh and a fist in his hair, making his head stay planted on Dean’s dick.

“That’s it, fucking take it, Cas.” Dean had his head still thrown back against the wall, eyes shut and focused on the tight grip on his dick from Cas’ mouth. He whined low in his throat as Cas began to move his tongue softly around the base of his dick while he was planted there. “I’m not gonna last if you keep that up, shit.”

Castiel pulled back and twisted his head to wipe off the drool from the edge of his mouth onto the old t-shirt he was wearing. “I mean, yeah, that’s like the whole point,” he said with a smirk.

Dean looked down at him with an almost evil glare, hard dick leaking with precum, forehead glistening with sweat--and to Cas, he looked absolutely breathtaking in that moment.

“Well then,” Dean said menacingly. “If you want to get this over with, then I suggest you get back to work at it, huh? You gonna do that for me, Cas?”

Castiel felt a bead of sweat roll off his own forehead from how hot Dean was when he got demanding—and because he was honestly physically hot as well. He quickly put Dean’s dick back in his mouth, sucking and licking and moaning along with his partner at how good it felt.

Once, a long time ago, he’d told young Dean about how he’d rather receive head than give it. Now, that same boy was making him question this belief. The sounds of Dean’s moans and gasps, and the feeling of his hands in his hair desperate for some sort of anchor against all the feelings of pleasure coursing through him, was giving Cas a rush of adrenaline and lust. He wanted nothing more than to feel Dean in his mouth and hear him beg for more, telling him how good it all feels.

“Cas, I’m gonna cum, fuck me, I’m gonna cum,” Dean panted out. His legs were nearly shaking, and he was practically ramming his cock down Castiel’s throat as his hips jutted up involuntarily, trying to reach the back of his lover’s throat and feel it tighten _just_ perfectly. “Do you want it on your face or—”

Cas kept Dean’s dick in his mouth and began to use one of his hands to pump the younger boy’s long cock in time with his sucking and licking. He smacked Dean’s thigh to get his attention without having to take his mouth off him. Dean looked down at him--at his perfect mouth stretched out around his dick-- and realized what the older boy wanted.

Cas wanted Dean to cum in his mouth.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Dean was chanting at this point. “Keep doing that, Castiel—oh fuck, I can’t believe you’re doing this, Cas, it feels so _fucking_ good, ah! Yes! Yes!”

Cas kept squeezing, with both hands now, applying pressure in all the right places and in just the right ways to make Dean lose all coherent thought. His head hung back against the wall and his mouth hung open in a permanent O-shape. Low moans kept falling past his lips, and his chest was rising and falling with each wave of pleasure that shot up his spine.

“ _Cas_ ,” was all he could manage to think or say in that moment. It was like every fantasy he’d ever had come to life, and somehow it was even better than his imagination. Dean finally looked down, in absolute awe that this _wasn’t_ a dream. That Castiel Novak was here, sucking his dick. That after years of not talking; after dating different people; after practically despising each other--Castiel still wanted him.

_Castiel wants me._

It was that thought that sent Dean over the edge.

He came hard, shooting cum down Cas’s throat--which for once Cas enjoyed, because it made his partner happy and he was realizing just how much pleasuring Dean turned him on. He arched his back off the wall and had to place both hands beside himself to prevent from falling down as his legs shook and his moans became more choked and stuttered. It was an earth-shattering orgasm that made him wonder how he’d managed to stay away from this beautiful man for so long.

“Cas, fucking hell,” he muttered when he was all spent, then yelled, “Oh fuck!” when Cas squeezed him to get the last drop of cum out. He made sure to make eye contact with Dean as he licked it off.

Castiel stood up, back to eye level with Dean. He grinned. “I’d kiss you now, but I don’t know if you want it after what I just swallowed.”

“Oh, fuck that,” Dean said, and grabbed the back of Cas’ head with two hands to pull him in for a kiss. This one was passionate and slow, no tongue. It felt more _real_ than the earlier lust-filled make out they had only a few minutes ago. Something had changed between them. Something had clicked.

They both could feel it: the spark between them that made them feel warm from the inside out. Cas put his arms around Dean’s waist to pull him close and cradled him there, their bodies fitting snug together as they continued kissing. Dean kept his hands on Cas’ face, afraid to let go. He wanted them to stay there for as long as they could, forever if that was possible. He’d never felt closer and more connected with someone in his whole life.

Despite that thought, it was Dean who pulled away first, but only because he heard Cas moan a little when he brushed against one of his legs, and that reminded him that he hadn’t returned the older boy’s favor yet.

“Cas, I know it’s my birthday, but I have a surprise for you too,” he said.

Castiel’s eyebrows spiked up. “And what might that be?”

Dean leaned in close to Cas’ ear and whispered, “You’ll have to undress me to find out.” _Y_

 _You don’t have to ask me twice_ , Cas thought as he immediately tore the leather jacket off of Dean’s broad shoulders. Damn, he hadn’t been joking when he said he’d been working out. This wasn’t the lanky 15-year-old Cas knew almost six years ago—which was good, because Cas would never have done anything like this back then.

Dean helped by starting to unbutton his flannel shirt underneath, and Cas nearly let out a groan of anguish when he saw he was also wearing a t-shirt under that.

“How many layers do you have on, Winchester?” he asked. Dean laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

“What can I say, I’m a fashionable guy.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stay annoyed at the younger boy for long. Not when he’d finally been stripped of his t-shirt and was standing there half-naked with the most well-toned stomach Cas had ever seen in his life. He prayed to whatever God that was out there, thanking them for bringing Dean back into his life, and for him looking like _that_.

“Your turn,” Dean chuckled. He started sliding down his pants which were still unbuttoned and let them drop on the floor, making Castiel even more distracted at how tan and defined his long legs were. He almost felt the need to reach up to his mouth and make sure he wasn’t drooling.

“Dean,” he said, still stuck in place staring at every inch of that gorgeous man, “you are _so_ fucking hot.”

 _How eloquent, you idiot_ , he thought to himself.

Dean laughed again and grabbed the bottom of Cas’ old t-shirt, tugging on it. “And I’m sure you’re just as hot underneath all these clothes, baby, if you’ll let me take ‘em off.”

Cas gulped.

“Go right ahead.”

Dean licked his lips and smirked a little before pulling up on his shirt. Cas raised his hands, shivering at the rush of cool air that hit him as Dean pulled his shirt off, exposing him. He was skinny—Balthazar used to always joke that he should’ve been 100 pounds heavier for how much he ate--, but he definitely had no abs to his name like his partner. He looked down at his thin, flat stomach which he’d never had a problem with before and suddenly started feeling inadequate.

Cas stared at his tummy and watched as Dean ran a hand over it lightly. “It’s not well-defined like yours or anything—”

He was cut off by a loud wolf whistle from Dean. Cas looked at his face in surprise and saw him grinning from ear to ear.

“Hot damn, Castiel! You have the _sharpest_ hip dips I’ve ever seen.” Cas blushed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as Dean ran a finger down the side of his left hip before stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants. “And they lead right to what I want.”

He began tugging down Cas’ sweatpants, exposing the man who had chosen not to wear any underwear that day because he wasn’t planning on anyone coming over. When they were pooled around his ankles, he stepped out of them, and now they were both completely naked aside from Dean’s boxers. Castiel knew he had to change that.

He stepped forward and began to kiss the younger boy, hands resting on his hips and feeling the sharp lines of them while Dean’s tangled themselves in his messy black hair. Dean turned them around so that they were facing the couch and tried to shove Cas onto it, but Cas pulled away and put a hand on his chest.

“Wait,” he panted, lips red from the harsh kisses, “not here.”

Cas wasn’t about to have the sex of his life be on some stupid couch his mother gave him. He grabbed Dean’s hand and led them to his bedroom, which was a mess—clothes thrown on the floor, school papers laying all over the dressers, unmade bed—but Castiel figured that just meant it was OK getting a littler messier.

He kissed Dean one more time before pushing him back onto the bed. Dean bit his lip for a second and smiled, pulling Cas’ hand to bring him on top.

They both scampered up into the bed—Cas shoving the hoodie he’d slept in the night before off the side to make room for them—and Dean grabbed Cas’ hips to bring him down so he was sitting on the growing bulge in his underwear.

They both moaned in unison at the friction, Castiel’s mouth falling open slightly in surprise at just how good this alone felt. How good _Dean_ felt.

They ground against each other, moans mixing together until it was almost impossible to tell who they came from. Cas leaned over Dean until their noses bumped against each other occasionally as they pleasured each other, eyes closed in ecstasy.

“You wanna see your surprise now, Cas?” Dean groaned as he kept his hands on Castiel’s sturdy hips, grip tight as iron.

Cas was panting now, not wanting the toe-curling pleasure he felt from their grinding to stop, but nodded his head “yes.” He knew whatever Dean had was something even better for him to stop what they were doing.

“OK, climb off for a second,” he commanded.

Castiel carefully rolled off of his lap, landing on his back. He watched as Dean sat up and began pulling down his boxers, releasing his cock, which was almost fully hard again.

“I love it, but you already showed me your dick,” Castiel said with a smile, teasing Dean. Dean smiled back, a glint of mischief in his eye.

“That’s not the surprise, dork.”

Cas’ heart sped up as Dean climbed off the bed and began turning around, displaying his ass to the older boy.

And what was inside it.

“Is that a butt plug?” Cas blurted out in shock, although he really didn’t need the answer to that question because he already knew. His heart sped up at the sight of Dean’s hole fitting snug around the shiny purple butt plug, and how perfect his ass looked spread open like that. He felt his dick swell up to being impossibly hard.

 _This man will be the death of me_.

“You like it?” Dean asked, looking over his shoulder at Cas’ face with a cheeky grin. “I was kind of hoping you would say ‘yes’ to me when I showed up here, and I figured this would make things move on a little faster.”

Castiel was at a loss for words. It was almost scary how confident Dean was that he would agree to sleeping with him. But Cas wasn’t mad. If anything, he was more than happy to see that Dean had planned ahead; that just meant they could get to what they both wanted the most even sooner.

With a near growl full of lust, Cas threw Dean onto his back again and hovered over him, hard dick sliding across his partner’s stomach. Dean looked up at him expectantly. He wanted Cas to do something. Reward him. 

And who was he to deny him that? 

Cas began kissing Dean’s neck, making him sigh happily and grip tightly to his sides with both hands—which Cas was very much beginning to like the feel of with how big and strong they were.

“You are pure sin, Dean Winchester, you know that?” he said between kisses.

The vibrations from the words on his neck made the boy shudder and let out a little laugh from how much it tickled. That wasn’t the reaction Cas had been trying to get.

“Pure fucking _sin_ ,” Castiel emphasized his words this time by pushing down on the butt plug, shoving it in further. Dean exhaled sharply through his teeth. _Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for._

“Cas…” Dean breathed out, “deeper. Please.”

Castiel thought he might faint. “With pleasure.”

He pulled the plug out a little bit, stretching Dean’s hole out deliciously, and then shoved it back in quickly. Dean moaned louder this time, back arching a little bit off the bed.

“Good to see you’re still such a little slut,” Cas said, pumping the plug a little in and out of his hole. “You came here _prepared_ for me to fuck you. You _wanted_ to get fucked today, you greedy bitch.”

Dean nodded his head while looking into Cas’ eyes, ragged breaths already falling from his lips. “I’ve waited six years wanting you to fuck me, I thought that deserved some kind of award,” he hissed as Cas did as a particularly deep thrust.

Cas smirked. “You’re going to get your prize, baby. We just need to get this pretty plug out of you and the real fun can begin.” He twisted the toy around inside the younger boy a few times to make sure he was stretched out enough, causing Dean to whimper and throw his head back, enjoying the feeling. He was practically riding it now, wishing it were deep enough to hit that perfect spot, but to no avail.

Castiel watched him, the way his muscles moved and the sweat rolled down his body, making him even hotter, before reaching over into his bedside drawer. He and Balthazar hadn’t broken up _that_ long ago—he still had some lube and condoms left over that had never been opened. It looked like he wasn’t going to have to throw them away after all.

Dean moaned brokenly when Cas suddenly pulled his plug all the way out, feeling empty and cold. Then he saw Castiel sliding a condom onto his gorgeous dick and felt that sadness quickly wear off.

Cas put some lube onto his fingers and slid one into Dean’s ass, feeling it tighten around him _perfectly_ before starting to pump it slowly. Dean was shaking, excitement pouring out every bone in his body. Castiel added another finger and started scissoring, looking him the eyes as the boy started to slowly fall apart for the second time that night.

“Fuck, yes, yes, fuck” he moaned out, whimpering a little. “I’m ready, please, just fuck me.”

Cas didn’t need to be asked that twice. He didn’t need to be asked every again. He would do this every day if Dean wanted him to.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby, you’re going to feel it for a long time. Probably aching for me to do it all over again” he said, lubing up his dick and giving himself a few extra pumps for good measure. “Spread your legs for me, love.”

Dean laid down on his back and lifted his hips so that Cas could put a pillow under them for support. Cas leaned over him, lining up his cock with the boy’s entrance, and for a breathless moment they looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. It was as if time stopped, but only for a split second. This was a huge moment for both of them.

As they looked at each other, Castiel pushed his way past Dean’s tight ring of muscle and was able to watch his lover’s face as it contorted into pure pleasure.

“Go slow, Cas, go slow. I want to feel it all go in,” Dean begged.

Cas complied, pushing in inch by inch, savoring just how tight the boy was. Dean’s mouth fell open in o-shape and his hands scraped down Castiel’s back slowly, willing him to stay close. “Shit, you feel amazing,” Dean said around a soft moan.

“Trust me, not as amazing as you do right now,” Cas gritted out, trying to remain in control and not just go balls-deep in him, as much as he wanted to hear Dean scream out at that.

When he finally was seated fully in him, his head was swimming with how good it felt. All that tight heat wrapped around him. And Dean’s adoring face staring back at him, looking as fucking sexy as ever.

He pulled back out a few inches, and then pushed back in, making Dean let out an “uh” and dig his nails into Cas’ back a little. Cas liked that a lot.

“You ready?”

When Dean nodded, all of his self-control fell away.

Cas brought his hips back until just the tip of his cock was still in him before slamming down all the way, making both of them moan loudly. He pulled back out and did it again, and again, and again and again and again.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he said while his balls slapped against Dean’s perfect, round ass. “You feel so goddamn good, baby.”

Dean simply moaned in response. He rested his head back against one of Cas’ pillows, exposing his neck and allowing Castiel to shower wet, open-mouthed kisses all over it.

Dean let out a choked screamed when Cas angled his hips just right for his cock to rub up against his prostate. “ _Right there right there right there_ ,” he chanted. 

Cas moved to stay right in that position and started nailing it continuously. “Yeah, baby, you’re taking my dick so well. You’re being such a good cockslut for daddy, aren’t you?”

Dean’s back completely arched off the pillows at the name “daddy”. Cas remembered that younger Dean liked him using the term--seemed it still worked. Even if Cas still wasn’t a fan of it, he _immensely_ enjoyed Dean’s reaction to it.

“You like daddy’s cock up your ass, don’t you? Making you mine and mine alone.” He leaned forward onto his forearms and pistoned his hips even deeper at that angle. Dean’s toes curled into the sheets and his legs shook.

“Yes! Yes, fuck yes, you feel amazing, daddy,” Dean moaned pathetically, nails drawing blood from how hard they were raking down his partner’s back.

“That’s right, baby. Only I can make you feel this good.” Castiel moaned as Dean tightened around him suddenly, squeezing his dick especially good. “Is my little slut about to cum for me?”

Dean looked him in the eyes and nodded. He was panting, beautiful little “uh uh uh”s that Cas absolutely loved to hear cascading from his parted red lips, and his eyes had so much lust and _affection_ for the man on top of him that it was almost overwhelming. 

“Cum with me, Dean. Can you do that for me, baby?” Cas asked. The look on Dean’s face and the rhythmic tightening of his hole around his dick was bringing him close to the edge. He took the younger boy in his hand and started pumping him with his thrusts.

“Cas!” he yelled, head rolling back. Cas deepened his thrusts. His balls slapped against his lover’s ass with each thrust, legs beginning to shake with the effort. Together, they chased their high, both moaning brokenly and feeling that certain heat from each other’s bodies bringing them closer.

“I’m gonna cum, Dean, I’m fucking cumming, fuck!”

Cas came first to the sound of Dean screaming profanities, hands bunching up in the sheets for something to hold onto. Dean followed seconds after, getting cum on both of their stomachs and milking Castiel’s cock as the older boy’s thrusts sputtered, riding out his high.

Castiel and Dean released a long breath in unison, muscles relaxing and breathing returning to normal. Sweat dripped off of Cas’ head onto Dean’s face, making him flinch, but he just wiped it away as though it didn’t matter. They were both happy, well-spent mess.

“Castiel,” Dean said. It was almost a whisper, as though he were afraid to break the moment of silence that followed their fucking. “You’re amazing.”

Cas sat up and smiled at the beautiful boy beneath him. He reached a hand out and stroked along the side of his face. Dean leaned into it, kissing his thumb where it rested against his cheek. Cas felt his chest get warm and fuzzy, a different kind of heat than the one they had shared moments before that.

Before he could even say anything, that nagging fear from earlier came back again.

Dean was probably done with him now, he thought. He could check sleeping with Cas off his bucket list and move on with his life. There was no way that the boy wanted anything more to do with him after this. It was simply a one-and-done situation, maybe just to get back at him for treating him like a child when he was 15.

 _He’s probably thinking he’s bested me,_ Castiel thought, wordlessly pulling his cock out of Dean and taking the condom off to throw away. _He probably only wanted to sleep with me to prove a point. That I should have slept with him when he was younger or something. I look like a total fool right now._

Dean watched as the older boy got off of the bed and headed towards a small trash can in a corner of the room. He discarded the used condom and reached for a supposedly-clean towel laying nearby on the floor.

“You OK?” he asked.

Cas looked at him out of the corner of his eye as he cleaned himself off. “I’m fine.”

Dean sat up, wincing a little at the pain in his rear. It had been awhile since he’d been fucked in the ass, but the pain wasn’t that bad when he remembered who caused it. That’s pretty much how his whole life had been, how he was able to forgive Castiel after he’d caused him so much pain when he was younger; he cared about the man so much it didn’t seem he minded being hurt by him (which probably wasn’t healthy, but Dean couldn’t help it, really).

“Well, you were being a lot more vocal a few minutes ago.” He covered his lap with a sheet on the bed. “Do you always give your partners the silent treatment when you’re done fucking them?”

Cas was putting on a random pair of sweatpants and the hoodie he’d thrown off the bed earlier at that point. As he was pulling his leg through one of the pant legs, he snarked, “That’s just the thing, Dean. We’re not partners.”

Dean did a double take. “What?”

“We’re _not_ _partners_ ,” Cas emphasized. “This is the part where you leave, and I never see you again, isn’t it?”

He sounded so broken Dean felt like he should get up and comfort him, but considering he was naked, he wasn’t sure if then was the right time to make physical contact.

“How could you think that?” he asked, exasperated. “You think this is a one-time thing?”

Cas threw a clean pair of sweatpants at Dean, signaling he could put them on. “Obviously it is,” he said, digging around in a pile for a t-shirt to give to the younger boy. “Why else would you stop by to see me? For a quick fuck. Now you can move on with your life, Castiel-free.”

Dean gratefully accepted the clothes and started putting them on. He resisted the urge to burry his face in them to breath in Cas’ scent, which was clean and slightly fruity. The pants were a little short at his ankles, but he could care less.

“Cas,” Dean said, but the older boy wouldn’t look at him, picking clothes off of the floor and putting them somewhere as though he was cleaning his room now. “Cas.” Still no reaction. “Castiel!”

Finally, he spun around. “What!”

Dean walked over to him and grabbed his right hand, making Cas drop the two t-shirts he had bunched up in it. He interlaced their fingers and gently put his forehead against Cas’s, who let out a soft sigh.

“Don’t you understand I don’t just want you today?” He smiled and laughed a little. “I said you were my birthday present, Castiel. A present isn’t something you just use for a day.” He pulled away but put a hand on the back of Cas’ head to make sure he looked at him. “A present is something you keep forever.”

Castiel felt his heart break and then mend itself back together again in seconds. Dean squeezed his hand reassuringly. Cas tried desperately not to cry.

“So…what does this mean?” he asked quietly.

Dean leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips, barely a taste but nonetheless making Cas’ eyes flutter shut momentarily. When he opened them again, he found himself gazing into the bright depths of Dean’s green ones. They looked warm, and welcoming, and Castiel wanted to look at them every day for the rest of his life.

“That means I’m here to stay, Cas,” Dean said. “I’m all yours.” He smiled. “Well, that is, if you still want me.”

Castiel felt a tear form in his eye but he kept it at bay. He absolutely beamed as he said, “Of course I still want you, Dean Winchester. I practically never stopped.”

They embraced, arms locking around each other in a hug for the first time. Dean placed his head in the crook of Castiel’s neck, and they squeezed each other so tight because neither one wanted to let go. They were _one_ , and they would both fight to make sure it was going to stay that way.

Dean pulled away finally and looked at Cas with a knowing smirk. “You ready to make this official then?”

Cas furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean my parents are expecting me over for dinner at five for my birthday,” Dean said, “and I want you to come with me.”

Cas stared at him, in utter disbelief and shock. _Does he really mean that?_

“I’m serious,” he said, as though reading Cas’ thoughts. “They never found out why we stopped hanging out, and they still miss you. I know they’d love it if you showed up.” He pouted his lips. “Please, babe?”

 _Oh, we’re using pet names now_? The thought made him smile.

“If you insist,” Cas said, and watched as Dean’s face lit up immediately. He practically jumped up and down like a little kid on Christmas morning.

“Yes! Thank you, Castiel.” He glanced at the alarm clock sitting on Cas’ nightstand and his smile dropped. “Shit, it’s already 4:35 and we definitely smell like sex.”

Castiel sauntered forward and grabbed a hold of Dean’s ass, making the boy look at him in surprise. “Guess we better shower together to save time.”

Dean grinned. “We can do that.”

-

When they rang the doorbell to the Winchester home a little after five o’clock—definitely not late because of anything that happened during that shower—Mary nearly fainted when she saw who her son was with.

“Castiel!” is the first thing she exclaimed when the door opened.

“Hi, Mrs. Winchester,” he said. He felt so happy to be talking to her again that he almost went in to hug her, but he wasn’t sure it would be appropriate since they hadn’t talked for years.

“Oh, for goodness sakes, it’s Mary still.” She reached her arms out and initiated the hug herself. Cas wrapped his arms around her and felt that familiar feeling he once felt long ago: home.

“Don’t forget I’m here,” Dean spoke up in a teasing tone. “I’m only your son and all.”

Mary smacked his arm lightly and then pulled him in for a tight hug too. “I’m just as happy to see you, Dean. I missed you so so so much, honey.”

He patted her on the back lightly and pretended to roll his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said, but anyone with common sense could see just how pleased he was to be back home, with his family. Cas always admired that about the Winchesters: they all loved each other unconditionally and unwaveringly.

“You two come in now!” Mary ushered them inside. She placed a hand on the small of their backs and walked them forward. “Castiel, Sam will be so excited to see you.”

Cas grinned. “I’m excited to see him too. It’s been so long.”

“Too long,” Dean chimed in. Cas looked at him sheepishly, and Dean winked. Mary pretended not to see it and led them into the kitchen, where Sam and John sat with a big cake adorned with what appeared to be 21 candles on it, as well as a bottle of whiskey sitting next to.

“Happy birth—Castiel?” Sam and John exclaimed at the same time.

Castiel awkwardly waved hello. “Hi, guys.”

He could not believe how much Sam had changed. Last time, they’d spoke, he had only been 12. Now he was nearly 18 and was almost half a foot taller than Cas (which he tried not to be jealous of). John looked the same, Cas noted, but he had quite a bit grayer hair than he remembered from last time. But to Cas he still looked as lively as ever, probably from having quit his stressful hunting job so long ago.

“Dean brought a guest over for cake!” Mary explained, eagerly pointing at Castiel.

For a moment, they all sat in silence and looked at each other, not sure what to do. Finally, Sam got up and walked towards Cas. He glanced at Dean, smiled, then gave Cas a huge bear hug.

“I always knew you’d come back,” he said. Cas was so taken by surprise that he didn’t hug back at first, but finally his arms seemed to work again and he wrapped them around Sam’s long torso. Sometime while he’d been gone, the boy had also grown his hair out quite a bit, and it tickled the top of Cas’ head. When they pulled away, they both smiled at each other, and it was as if no time had passed between them at all.

John clasped him on the shoulder and told him, “Glad to have you here, boy.” and then Mary was telling all of them to gather around the cake and whiskey bottle for a family picture.

Cas stood to the side, offering to take the picture for them, but Mary argued with him until he gave in and decided to join them all behind the cake. She placed her phone on one of the kitchen counters and set the picture timer on, then ran to get her place. John and Mary stood on the left, Sam on the right, and Dean and Cas were in the middle. Right before the timer went off and the picture was taken, Dean subtly reached behind Cas and grabbed his hand, out of view in the picture. Castiel felt his fake, photo smile grow into a real one, and then the camera went off. Dean squeezed his hand and let go.

“Cas,” Mary said after they had all sat down around the table and were eating some of the cake—unsurprisingly cherry flavored. “You have got to tell us what Dean said to convince you to come over today. It’s so great having you back. We all missed you.”

Sam smiled at Cas, agreeing with Mary. “Yes, do tell, Cas.”

Castiel looked at Dean, who just smirked and said, “You go ahead and tell ‘em, dude.”

_Oh, that was just evil, Dean Winchester. “Dude?” Really?_

Cas resisted the urge to spank that stupid smirk off the younger boy’s face. “Well, Dean knocked on my door while I was in the middle of making a lesson plan for my job earlier today. Ironically, I almost told him to go away because I thought he was a salesperson.” Castiel elbowed Dean playfully. “And I probably still should have even after I saw it was him.”

Everyone laughed, and Dean pretended to be offended, mouth hanging open in surprise.

“But then we talked for a while,” Cas continued, “and I think we made up for some lost time and hurtful words in the end.”

Cas and Dean stared at each other for a second, the truth of that statement sinking in. All the pain, all the bad memories and all the mistakes they’d made could be rewritten now, covered up by new, good memories that they could create together. The future had never looked brighter to Castiel, and it was sitting right next to him at the Winchester’s kitchen table.

“So, I guess that means the gang is back together?” Mary joked, breaking the silence.

Dean grabbed Cas’ hand under the table, out of view of everyone again, and smiled at him out of the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “And this time, I think it’s permanent.”

Castiel’s heart did a flip flop for the millionth time that day.

“Phew, get a room you two!” Sam yelled, laughing loudly.

Castiel blushed, but Dean just gave him a nasty look. “Shut up, bitch.”

“Make me, jerk.” Sam smirked.

“Alright, enough you two,” Mary said, getting up from the table and opening one of the kitchen cabinets. “Dean’s only been here for half an hour and you’re already using bad language again.”

“Mom, I’m 21 for God’s sake,” Dean laughed.

Mary pulled out four cups from the cabinet she was rummaging through and carried them back over to the table. “My house, my rules.” She picked up the knife she had used to cute the cake earlier and waved it around a little. “Now, don’t test me, boys, or I will use this.”

They all laughed, except Dean and Sam a little less, and then Mary popped open the whiskey bottle.

“Alright,” she said, “Let’s get this party started! Dean’s first ever sip of alcohol is tonight.”

“Actually, mom—” Dean started talking but Mary gave him a sharp look that said _shut up, or I will cut you_. “Actually, that sounds great, mom! I can’t wait to try alcohol for the first time in my life!”

Laughter filled the air again, and it stayed there for the rest of the night. They drank a little—except for Sam, who only got a sip that Dean managed to sneak him when Mary and John weren’t looking—, played board games, and talked for hours catching up.

Dean held Cas’ hand out of everyone’s sight nearly all night, even getting a kiss in when no one was looking (well, maybe Mary saw, but she pretended once again not to see anything). Castiel was at ease the whole time. It was almost overwhelming how much his life had changed in only a day, but then he reminded himself that this story was nearly six years in the making. And there were still many more years to come.

It was nearly two in the morning when Castiel finally mentioned that he better go home and get some rest, because he needed to finish his lesson plans by Sunday afternoon, which was the next day.

They all said their goodbyes…except for Dean.

“I’m going with Cas,” he told his family as Castiel headed towards the door to leave. “We’re gonna have a sleepover, so it’ll be like old times. Right, dude?”

Castiel was shocked. _A sleepover? Who the hell is gonna believe that we’re really having a sleepover when you’re 21 and I’m 25?_

“Uh, sure, if that’s OK with you all,” Castiel said. He sincerely didn’t want to take him away from his family when they were clearly so excited to see him.

Sam stepped forward. “But Dean, I spent all afternoon cleaning up your side of the room so you could sleep in our room tonight—”

Mary put a hand on his chest, making him stop talking. “Dean’s gonna be here until Monday, Sammy. I think he can have one night to stay with a good friend.”

Sam frowned but shrugged his shoulders. Mary looked at the two boys in the doorway and winked. Dean beamed from ear to ear. Castiel wanted to melt into a puddle of embarrassment right there on the floor.

“Alright!” Dean exclaimed, totally pumped and probably a little tipsy from the whiskey. “Let’s get this show on the road, babe—I mean, bro!”

Either he was too drunk to notice his mistake, or he didn’t care, but either way Dean scooped Cas’ arm up under his and led them out the front door, arm in arm.

“You boys have fun!” Mary called after them as they made the walk across the street to Castiel’s house.

“We will!” Castiel yelled back, smiling at her until he saw her close the door to the house behind her, leaving them alone in the dark, quiet night.

Dean took the opportunity to grab one side of the older boy’s ass. With a smirk, he said, “We’re gonna have _lots_ of fun tonight.”

Cas smiled, kissing Dean on the lips. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Dean Winchester.”

Dean stopped, mouth hanging open a little in shock. He paused, and then a huge grin spread over his freckled cheeks. “I think I’m falling for you, Castiel Novack.”

They walked into Cas’ house, holding hands, hearts pounding fast, and ready to have that “fun” Mary was talking about.

-

And speaking of which: what the boys didn’t know was that Mary just _might_ have been secretly watching them from behind a window of their house, her heart full of pride that her son had finally found the person that made him happy.

And honestly, what more could a mother ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> JESUS CHRIST THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE. 
> 
> I'm glad with how this turned out, if I'm being honest. This is my first and only Supernatural story I've ever written and I'm not even in the fandom very much anymore, as well as my first ever smut. I'd much rather read it than write it lmao 
> 
> This story is literally a project nearly 2 years in the making, because I started working on this is 2018, stopped because I started college, and just finished it in 2020. I realized that I had started something over 60 pages long, and even though I'm not even a big Supernatural fan anymore, I needed to finish this work and publish it so it wasn't all for nothing. It seems kind of weird to write something this long and then keep it to myself but...who knows lol
> 
> Hopefully, I don't regret this. Leave a comment if you don't hate it, or if you do, still leave a comment :)
> 
> Anyways, ciao!
> 
> xxx


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